I need conversation please.

I have been in a vanilla relationship for the past 4 years, and hated it. Not because it was vanilla alone, but because the guy i was dating was more submissive in a vanilla way than I ever seen. I felt like I was the one with the reigns.

I just want conversation and understanding from Doms and subs alike. I want to learn myself once again as I was in fact an owned slave for a year. I miss it so much it keeps getting in the way of any relationship I have ever been in which made me realize I can't be in a true vanilla relationship as I am just not happy enough. I know know that I have to stay true to myself and be the sub I know I am.

I would greatly enjoy to speaking with like minded individuals, ones that can guide and ones that can I can share my feelings with.
I am looking forward to this journey ahead of me here on BDSM Library.

Hey thalia,
Sorry you had such a hard time in Vanillaville, and welcome home.

I think a lot of people know exactly how you feel and have been through similar relationships and situations. It sucks that you had to go through four years of unhappiness, but at least you're blessed with a chance to try again, and not feel trapped in a relationship that doesn't work for you. I know a lot of people who post here have discovered this side of themselves but are in longterm vanilla marriages with uninterested partners, and don't feel they have had the opportunity to ever really discover themselves or get free. So even though you've had a rough time, it sounds like you're at a place where you can take positive steps to makeing yourself feel better! :)

My only warning would be not to jump back in too fast. I think a lot of people, when they return to the scene after a long absence, are so hungry that they make "noob" mistakes and let themselves get too deep, too fast, into questionable relationships. You've got all the time in the world to find the right person and situation for you so take your time, be careful, and have fun!

Thank you for your kind word Austerus, Sir. I do understand where you are coming from in regards to not just jumping in. I have started with some light reading first. In fact I am re-reading all 26 Gor novels. I find them so relaxing and informative (the aspects that are human like) so I may have more of an understanding within myself. I know most people are not Gorean, but I enjoy conversing on many topics.

Welcome!

You may wish to take a trip to the book store they have more than just 26 Gor novels now.

Really more than 26, but how? I thought the Pen name John Norman was done with... If you meant B&N or any of the big bookstores, they never carry them, I looked.

Yep Dr Lange (Norman) has got the series up to 30 now.

B&N will let you order them online.

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/gor-...re=allproducts

You can keep up on all the latest Gor stuff here on the only official Gor site endoresed by Dr Lange himself:

http://gorchronicles.com/modules/wfchannel/

Welcome and enjoy your journey. Hope you'll have many fulfilling conversations.

Hi thalia. I think I experienced the same thing like you. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, because he wasn't able to provide me with what I need. He was into light bondage, but it wasn't enough for me. I need someone stronger, stronger than me who could take away my control and let me be free. I had a heartache when I broke up with him, he was a nice guy. But we both know we won't be happy in the long run if we won't stay true to ourselves.

I haven't read any Gor books. I'm a new to this lifestyle too. Maybe I'll try them :)

Hi thalia,
I recently ended my vanilla marriage of 12 years. He is a really nice guy but we were nowhere near sexually compatible. I accidentally fell into BDSM about 6 months ago. I had always had these inclinations and feelings but never thought that I could explore them because whenever I approached the topic, my husband would back off and say he didn't feel comfortable "hurting" me. Like in your relationship, he was more submissive and did not come close to fulfilling any sort of dominant needs that I had. As much as it broke my heart, we are now separated and I have begun a relationship I never dreamed possible. Hang in there and take it slow. I am new to this site and so far, I have found it a wonderful place to be. There is a lot I do not know about the lifestyle but even more important, there is so much I have to learn about myself and my needs. I ignored them for way too long. I feel so grateful to have the opportunity to learn about this important part of who I am. I am happy for you to have this same opportunity. Good luck and have fun exploring! :)

smiles .. welcome thalia i hope you find what you seek.. Library is a wonderful respectful place with many people only too willing to help.... all you have to do is ask, lol... the conversation starts from there..
Good luck hun
em
xx

Thank you all for your kind words, I greatly appreciate it. I am finding more inspiration that I know what to do with... JK
I am thrilled to know that I am not alone and that there are other people with the same struggles as me.
If we all communicate together we can learn together too.
:wave:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by _thalia_

I have been in a vanilla relationship for the past 4 years, and hated it. Not because it was vanilla alone, but because the guy i was dating was more submissive in a vanilla way than I ever seen. I felt like I was the one with the reigns.

I just want conversation and understanding from Doms and subs alike. I want to learn myself once again as I was in fact an owned slave for a year. I miss it so much it keeps getting in the way of any relationship I have ever been in which made me realize I can't be in a true vanilla relationship as I am just not happy enough. I know know that I have to stay true to myself and be the sub I know I am.

I would greatly enjoy to speaking with like minded individuals, ones that can guide and ones that can I can share my feelings with.
I am looking forward to this journey ahead of me here on BDSM Library.

---

Hello :-)
I am glad that you and others find what they need, but sorry that it often seems to take such a long time..and I wonder why?

Is BDSM not known enough? Do people think they are the only ones? Or is it the old dilemma of 'everything else fits'??

A question out of curiosity: how can you be submissive in a vanilla way?? IS it possible that he simply was a sub, and wanted you to take over?

Thir, I don't think that that is the case with him, he found the whole thing really disgusting, and besides I have absolutely no interest in having a sub myself. a submissive in a vanilla way is a personality that detests decisions and hopes they don't ever have to, always turns questions back around hoping for the other person to react and take the decision. I think of him as a person who is just floating by, waiting for the right wind to blow him away into the sky because his consciousness is already there.

It may be a simple I don't think I can handle it, being a Dom, but I think there is a deeper issue that prevents me from wanting to take control. I just flourish and do better when using initiative when I know my parameters that a Dom would provide for me. I am really not good at testing the waters with what I capable of in a dominate way. I also think that I do not find it attractive to see a man under a woman, it seems to defy the nature of a mans role. I can have thoughts of dominating a woman, but would never think of having a male sub. I feel the way a Gorean would feel, where even if a man and a woman are free, the woman still respects and considers the mans needs first. I know it is an archaic belief, but seems to stand the trials of time and history itself. while I don;t agree it is a large factor in today's society, it is still a factor, while we got close, a Woman has yet to become president. There are some tasks a man is good for and some a woman are for. Anyways enough ranting.

There isnt anything wrong about feeling that way thalia...lol...I feel the same.

Yes, there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. If you look at history, when has man ever been beneath a woman? Not often, if ever. I know there are always exceptions, but that is not how many of us are "programed". I feel that today's society there are many weak men, who don't have the fortitude to stand up and show any spine.

We all have our own niches that help make us happy. You just need to keep searching and find someone who will satisfy you. Keep your chin up, keep looking, and in the meantime you have lots of great people and stories on here to keep you busy!