Denial Ain't A River In Egypt

Many couples engage in power trips or mind fucks involving denial. It can be sexual in nature, such as chastity, or pertain to other things, such as privileges, as a means of control or punishment.

While topping, I love a bit of tease and denial. Cuffing my male bottom and stimulating him visually and physically but never allowing orgasm can be quite a rush. However, I don't participate in orgasm denial with Daddy. We have sex to have orgasms; more's the better. Daddy loves to say "no," though. When I asked for a collar, he gave me his dog's old collar. I started trying to describe what he might get me from a sex shop or jewelry store instead, but he said "no" to everything. If I ask for something sexual, like anal or oral, I won't get it. After I've been bad, he denies me the pleasure of his company. I revel in his denial because it only confirms my own desire for his dominance and control.

What are some of the ways denial is utilized in your relationship? What is its purpose? How does it make you feel?

Hmmm...I am quite interested in learning more about orgasm denial, actually. I know you said it's not something you participate in with your Daddy...but that you enjoy it while topping others. It's a power-trip. But, is it also a training tool...and if so, does it work better than tasked masturbation?

For instance, let's presume that one has been tasked with masturbating at least once every day to orgasm...would that person be MORE or LESS "hungry for it" than the person who is on orgasm denial....who edges throughout the day but then is not allowed to come?

Curious...

I don't use orgasm denial as a training tool since I don't have sex with my bottom. It's strictly for my pleasure. I had a previous relationship with a dominant who expected me to save all my orgasms for him, so I didn't masturbate....much. *eg* The reason I don't enjoy chastity is that I discovered the longer I went without the less I was inclined to want it, thereby having the opposite of the effect desired, i.e. constant readiness. We didn't engage in edging. I probably would've used every opportunity to "accidentally" go over the edge.

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Originally Posted by brwneydgirl

For instance, let's presume that one has been tasked with masturbating at least once every day to orgasm...would that person be MORE or LESS "hungry for it" than the person who is on orgasm denial....who edges throughout the day but then is not allowed to come?

Curious...

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I am not too sure if this applies to everyone, but in my experience, there is a huge difference here between men and women.

When women orgasm, they get more turned on, more desirous, they want more orgasms, so denying them orgasms does what Flaming_Redhead said; it makes them just stop wanting it all together. If you want a woman hot and horny, you have to make her orgasm more, not less.

Men, on the other hand, get more desirous the longer they wait (they are physically building up pressure), so orgasm denial for them increases the desire to cum.

So for me, as a training/control tool for men, orgasm denial is a beautiful, delicious, easy way to control a male sub. Denying him makes him desperate; desperate creatures are easy to control ; )

If I was ever with a man who denied me an orgasm, I'd just up and leave, because that's not increasing pleasure for me at all. (though that just might be my dominant personality talking : P )

I do love edging both ways, though. Edging for as long as possible does make an orgasm more intense on both sides- but then for me, edging is only purposeful if it ends with that intense orgasm.

Oh, and yes, denying it is a huge power trip.

I'm not so sure about what Jennifer is saying- in a lot of my experience, making pet wait until she's told to before allowing her to cum does make it much more intense for her. Maybe that's a minority response, but I think from what I've heard from other female subs they feel the same.

Orgasm training can include denial as part of it... as Dom you control when and how they are allowed to orgasm. As stated above, with men this can lead to increased desire (though sometimes for me it has the opposite effect, it depends on circumstances - sometimes merely making it an official 'CR' period increases the desire when normally it would decrease) and women it can reduce it. However, if you include regular teasing for women but deny orgasm then that desire is still there because you are made to be on edge a lot more. So, in the example above where the sub was expected to orgasm once a day, what if you told the sub that they had to masturbate once a day (and set a time and place where this had to be done and a manner in which it had to be achieved - fingers, wrong handed, toys, length of time etc) and then set the limitation that they were not allowed to cum until permission had been granted? This could be permission given in advance (perhaps as reward for a task well performed) or it could be they have to ask permission while still masturbating so they don't know if they will be permitted until they ask. Is that not likely to keep a woman's desires high?

i feel the same too, WyldWyl and i agree with fetishdj, it definitley keeps my desires high! How does it make me feel? Well, Master has me on that delicious edge all the time and it is an absolute torture :D and when He finally allows me to cum, which is in His presence only... OMFG...i cum Him a river! The intensity is so overpowering, going on and on, making me dizzy, sometimes on the verge of passing out and then finally collapsing in exhaustion!

I think there's a difference between edging and denial. Edging is great, denial just frustrates me and eventually makes me stop wanting it.

But I have a fairly high sex drive, so being denied for days at a time doesn't make the end result better, at least not for me. Edging on the other hand, where I'm denied within a certain time frame but DO get release at the end, can be amazing.

I train to obtain that "hair trigger" response. If I order her to masturbate and merely edge, it will be closely followed by a second session so that I can order her to cum on command. Of course, I have to be very engaged to create and hear that perfect moment to give the order. By the time we next or first meet, she's ready to respond to my touch and voice...

I find that a well trained, highly orgasmic sub gives me a particularly nice ride.

Then there's the whole control issue and two ways to play it.

1) She's ready to cum and I order her to not cum... and then touch her in the perfect way so that she is forced over the edge, disobediently orgasming because though she can control herself, she can't resist me.

2) After a "grueling" session of multiple orgasms, and she is exhausted, I ask her if she's ready to cum one more time for me. At this point she "doesn't think she has another orgasm in her." And then, within 30 seconds or so, I'm proving her wrong... while proving yet again that she can't resist me.

Now thats how denial/ edging is suposed to work!

Thank you Sir Oz for that very informative and exciting post!

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

I train to obtain that "hair trigger" response. If I order her to masturbate and merely edge, it will be closely followed by a second session so that I can order her to cum on command. Of course, I have to be very engaged to create and hear that perfect moment to give the order. By the time we next or first meet, she's ready to respond to my touch and voice...

I find that a well trained, highly orgasmic sub gives me a particularly nice ride.

Then there's the whole control issue and two ways to play it.

1) She's ready to cum and I order her to not cum... and then touch her in the perfect way so that she is forced over the edge, disobediently orgasming because though she can control herself, she can't resist me.

2) After a "grueling" session of multiple orgasms, and she is exhausted, I ask her if she's ready to cum one more time for me. At this point she "doesn't think she has another orgasm in her." And then, within 30 seconds or so, I'm proving her wrong... while proving yet again that she can't resist me.

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Yes!! That's it, exactly!! :D Thx!

This was an interesting post to me since I have always been curious whether erotic orgasm denial had the same effects for women as men. Several females who posted indicated that the effects are nearly opposite.

From the male perspective, I have experienced orgasm denial quite a bit and it is something I like a great deal. First, being teased extensively but then denied the opportunity to release makes me more intensely submissive and more needy to please my Mistress. It is one of the ways that I can be put deeply into my submissive nature. Also, the denial itself really makes me feel a Mistress’ control and ownership very powerfully which is the other reason I find it so appealing.

Teasing I think is a key to making the most of orgasm denial. That to me is what seems to make the need build and become more urgent, contributing to the effects described. As time goes by, the desire and need for release becomes something that never quite leaves the mind. One of the most effective means of denial that I have experienced is when a chastity device is used. The device being only removed periodically for teasing purposes and then immediately replaced.

Having experienced both forced and enforced erotic orgasm denial, I find both have a lot of utility in accessing my submissive nature and while a challenge, something I always find worthwhile.

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Originally Posted by serviam

Teasing I think is a key to making the most of orgasm denial. That to me is what seems to make the need build and become more urgent

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And, if left to "die on the vine", that urgency can quickly manifest into indifference for the task or the tasker (or both?)---seems to be the general consensus.

To bring up a completely vanilla scenario, let's say a man visits a stripclub. He sees a woman that attracts him...pushes his buttons, someone just his type. He requests a lapdance from her and then she proceeds to tease and taunt him...denying him the very thing he wants so badly that he's driven to distraction.

He goes home and gives the high, hard one to his wife and finds his relief that way.

Does a female even have an equivalent to that scenario? If a woman is driven to that level of distraction...and denied her release, does she go home and jump her husband or does she masturbate in secret...or does she try to ignore it and end up having an orgasm in her sleep? Depends on the woman, I suppose.

I can only speak for my own limited experience, but I personally find it much easier to not have an orgasm than to have an orgasm. I can go without an orgasm any day, edging or not. Therefore, orgasm denial would probably be pretty useless, easy, and boring for me. On the other hand, for someone who has more of a challenge controlling their orgasm, I imagine that it could be much more powerful.

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Originally Posted by serviam

This was an interesting post to me since I have always been curious whether erotic orgasm denial had the same effects for women as men. Several females who posted indicated that the effects are nearly opposite.

From the male perspective, I have experienced orgasm denial quite a bit and it is something I like a great deal. First, being teased extensively but then denied the opportunity to release makes me more intensely submissive and more needy to please my Mistress. It is one of the ways that I can be put deeply into my submissive nature. Also, the denial itself really makes me feel a Mistress’ control and ownership very powerfully which is the other reason I find it so appealing.

Teasing I think is a key to making the most of orgasm denial. That to me is what seems to make the need build and become more urgent, contributing to the effects described. As time goes by, the desire and need for release becomes something that never quite leaves the mind. One of the most effective means of denial that I have experienced is when a chastity device is used. The device being only removed periodically for teasing purposes and then immediately replaced.

Having experienced both forced and enforced erotic orgasm denial, I find both have a lot of utility in accessing my submissive nature and while a challenge, something I always find worthwhile.

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im actually getting a chastity device for my Misrtess to keep me in and was wondering if anyone else here had any experience with them that they could give me some insight on what to expect while being locked up

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Thank you serviam, for clearly stating what I was trying to say with your eloquent words. : )