Newbie Feels Neglected

I am definitely a Newbie who searched for a Dom for a very long time and finally found Him! Sir was was what I had been searching for. Unfortunately due to a family health crisis, we haven't been able to much more than a couple online sessions. I truly do not want to be the selfish person who gets grumpy when His family is hurting. But it has been 5 days and not one single word. I am new so crave attention from my new Dom but also insecure if I will "measure up" or not. Or worse yet Sir decided I am not worth the time to train. What is a sub to do?

Have you tried telling him this?

I second what denu said, ask him.

Dom, sub, slave, Master, Kajira...we are all still human.

i'm thinking that perhaps, these feelings have arisen since you last spoke to one another and if so, i can understand what you're going through.

my Master travels alot and has very long hours with His business and sometimes 3 or 4 days pass without us talking and it drives me crazy but, over time i've learned to be patient and when we do talk, it is all good...real good! :D

Hang in there a bit longer, tuffkitty...As you said, he's going through a Crisis right now, and when you do finally connect...as denu and Archeon suggested, share with him, your feelings. Until then, try to think positive! i wish you luck!

xx rosie

My first reponse is: "5 days is nothing." If you have a Master who functions in the real world like a normal person then there will be times when he is not available to you on a daily/hourly basis. Use this time to learn the patience and understanding which draws him to you.

How you respond during this time of crisis - not putting pressure on him, supporting what he is doing,etc. - is important. During the first year of my relationship with my former Dom both of his parents died. He told me afterwards that because I remained supportive and devoted despite his being away for long periods of time it solidified our relationship. He knew I was there for Him without demands.

IMHO: No Dom/me needs a clingy, nagging submissive/slave when things are tough for them in life.

I know it's hard. It's like growing pains though - tough during, but usually rewarding in the end in the sense that your relationship will be stronger. This I know to be true.

~rienzi

Hi Tuffkitty, I’m sorry you are feeling neglected (and I’m sure insecure) right now. I agree with all the other postings. Try to be patient, be supportive, and remember the real world will take priority. Maybe the next time you talk to your Dom you can respectfully ask if a certain level of communication (no more than two days pass without contact – negotiate this) can be maintained – just a quick note from him to let you know he is thinking of you.

As a fellow Sub I can understand the feelings of being hurt, sad, lonely etc. when you miss your Dom. I personally do not have a Dom right now but I can imagine what you are going through and I sympathize with you.

I hope you hear from him soon. Keep us posted. Good luck!

I don't know how your contact with him has been in the past, but if every time you've been together you've had a serious, full-blown session then he might be feeling pressure that if he sees/calls you it has to be a long, many-hour thing that he just doesn't have the energy for. The next time you talk to him it might do you well to say that you might like maybe just a text or quick email from him now and then because you're wondering how he's doing; or ask him if it's alright for you to do the same and just send him a quick word. Sometimes just one quick word or sentence that lets you know you're thought of can get a person through an entire day, and it might help him to know that you are there for him during this difficult time, if he should choose to want your attention.

Also, in my experience, it's common for a sub to feel very needy during the beginning of a relationship, so don't feel bad about that, just remember that you have a mind to go along with your emotions and use your brain to help you through it. Your Dom's family difficulties has terrible timing and I feel sorry for both of you, I hope everything turns out alright.

Jenn says a lot of good things....

Remember also that bdsm relationships are something additional to any other relationship. A family crisis can make it really difficult for somebody to put themselves out there. Sometimes when you're having a hard time in life what you want takes a back seat to whatever else is happening, or simply isn't where you're focusing your energy. Everybody does this, and it's not a sign of disinterest or neglect, just a shuffling of personal priorities.