Can W/we evolve in this lifestyle?

Hi A/all
This is a question i have seen on quite a few forums with a myriad of answers but in the end i think it comes down to the person/persons involved.
From my own experience, after i had been seriously ill Master requested that i Dom several friends to see whether or not my ideas of myself had changed.
I did as i was requested and found no pleasure in it, when asked by the Master what my findings were He did give a sigh of relief when i answered that i was inherently a slave!
Can Y/you as a sub/slave/Dom/Domme/Master/Mistress 'switch' or do you feel that it is only playing a game, or do you feel as a 'switch' you don't have to have as many responsibilities. I for one am not able to evolve into anything else but just being the slave my Master wishes me to be.........and that in His eyes always the best i can be!

slave kara

Hi kara

This is a very good question and i'm sure that you'll get many responses from it. As someone else that doesn't feel like "switching" is something i'd be very good at, i do however, feel that it's very important for submissive/slaves AND Doms/Dommes to do so on occasion if for no other reason that you learn what Y/your partner's feelings and responsibilities are like in the perspective positions. For example, i think a submissive who had topped someone per request of her Dom or just to try it has a much better appreciation for what his/her Dom/Domme/Master go through on a daily basis to try to assure our well being and happiness. Not an easy job trying to take care of the subbies and quite often the effort that goes into it is not appreciated properly.

I also feel that Doms/Dommes/Masters who have experienced submission also understand better the complex trust issues, fears, and overwhelming emotion that Their submissives can experience. All in all, i think it is impossible not to evolve as O/one remains in the lifestyle. There is always room to grow personally and in Y/your chosen relationship.

As always, posted respectfully and in my opinion only

tyd

Yes people in this lifestyle can change from one role to another. With that in mind what role a person takes is all up to their own personality and drive. Some people need the release of control, some need the control, and some still need to be able to do both. That need is what will drive the person to take a particular role.

Too bad.... I came to discuss growth within the lifestyle, not realizing that for some reason there is an implication that evolving means growing out of ones orientation.

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I for one am not able to evolve into anything else ...

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It cuts to the heart of the issue of what's better, else why use "evolve"? Do you feel one orientation is better than the next? Are you unsure of your master's perspective? Do you feel somehow he was testing to see if you are content in your role, being subservient? Do you think he sees one role as better?

Well, in my opion there is no "better" role nor "better" orientation. Each serves a need (within oneself and between/amongst partners.) So my answer to your question is "No", we can't evolve within the lifestyle.

We can however learn. Learn more about ourselves. Learn more about our relationships. Learn more about what's available to us within the lifestyle.

@Ozme52 No i do not feel that one orienation is better than the other, no i am not unsure of my Master's perspective. He asked me to Dom because i had suffered a double stroke and on recovery He wanted to be sure that i still felt the same as prior to the strokes as He is aware a lot of damage and changes go on in the brain when one has been a victim and survived! Yes of course He was testing me and i am as ever an inherent slave. No He definately does not see one role better than the other!

slave kara

Seems like common sence phycology 101 to me, that regardless of titular distinctions people change their "behavior" assuming more dominant or submissive postures accordingly depending upon a wide variety of parameters pertinent to the situation at hand and individuals involved. At least thats been my observation in real life.

If pulled over by a cop one submits or gets more than just a ticket.

When one is teaching a class, one holds authority over one's students or gets run over.

Etc. etc.

If you top someone in a bdsm capacity it doesnt mean you suddenly stop being any less of a submissive or slave in relationship to those who normally hold dominion over you. (unless of course they are the one your topping, and well then, I would submit that your relationship dynamic isnt really that of a TPE M/s).

As for weather or not "switching" what used to be "earned" titular distinctions from dom to sub or back again with the same or different partners on a casual basis makeing one any better at being a dominant or a submissive as opposed to those who do not "play a role" and live their lives as what comes natural to them within that bdsm context etc...it is simply a spurious coorelation at best in my opinion and experience.

The best rocket scientist is not nessesarally an astronaut. The best horse breeder is not nessesarally a jockey. The best dentist did not nessesarally have braces as a child. The best oncologist doesnt have cancer. The best master was not also a slave or vice versa. The list goes on and on.

I think we need to consider what is actually 'evolving' here... it could simply be a case of picking up more skills, learning new things. Are you a Dominant if you cannot use a whip or know how to tie knots or how to do safe suspension? Or maybe it is a case of tolerance and experience of things that cannot be 'learnt'. Are you a submissive if you cannot take a slash from a whip? Or is it mindset? In which case, how does one define a dominat mindset? Is a sensual Domme, who prefers to tease her subs with sexual flirtation rather than be stern and distant a real Dominant? Is a bratty sub who contests and argues every command really a sub?

In truth, there is no such thing as 'a Dominant' or 'a Submissive'. We are all on a continuum of traits somewhere between the two extremes and some of us are more towards one end than another. With this in mind, it is easy to evolve because:

- You can learn new skills
- You can experience new pains and pleasures and get used to them
- (more importantly) your mindset can change from day to day and even hour to hour as different things stimulate you. Drugs, food, tiredness, pheremones, proximity to a certain person, the sight of a certain image. Also, as you get older many people become more authoritarian and confident in thier own abilities... in other words, become more dominant (and in many cases more politically right wing as well... :) )

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Originally Posted by fetishdj

In truth, there is no such thing as 'a Dominant' or 'a Submissive'. We are all on a continuum of traits somewhere between the two extremes and some of us are more towards one end than another. With this in mind, it is easy to evolve

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What he said!