BDSM & Molestation/Rape

The gears about this particular subject came to my head thanks to denesuri. So, ahead of time, thanks :)

I've recently come out to my husband that I was raped as a child by my brother. When I initially told my husband he was VERY hesitant about doing any bdsm sessions where I was the sub(we are both switches). I tried to remind him that he was also molested as a kid and I haven't stopped sessions with him. I read MANY responses to denesuri's thread in the Submissive's Couch labeled "victims of abuse support for victims". I than decided to share my story, which was the absolute first time I have told anyone aside from my husband. I'd like to thank everyone who responded to me. It was greatly appreciated.

That being said, my husband asked me if I thought doing a rape fantasy session(me as a sub) would help me cope. I think it would, but I haven't really been able to explain to myself or him why. He also asked if maybe thats why I enjoy being a Dom so much.

I'm not saying every person that is envolved in bdsm has been molested/raped/scarred. Hell, I might've always been a masochist/sadomasochist without my brothers help, but I was curious if other people think that maybe bdsm is a helpful outlit when dealing with the past? Do some subs feel a little better each session? Do some Dom's feel a little more in control of their past every session? Does anyone think they probably would/wouldn't be as passionate about bdsm if it hadn't been for that one incident or person that really hurt them both mentally and/or physically? Is anyone just as confused as me?

Any information would be GREATLY appreciated.

Well I do think that a big part of why I like being spanked so much really does have to do with me being physically abused as a child.

I was hit whenever I did something bad, consequently I don't tell my parents things because as a child, they would have freaked out and started hitting me... even though they won't do that now, it's a conditioned response to lie and pretend like I didn't do anything wrong. This is also why I never want kids; what if I end up like my parents?

I've always liked the 'kidnap' fantasy of being tied to a chair with tape over my mouth... it was a game I played as a child... young as 3 I believe and I'm sure that had nothing to do with being spanked a lot.

For me my introduction into this lifestyle came with a very negative situation. I was kidnapped and forced to many bdsm things at a young age. I have spent many sessions in therapy with my therapist trying to wrap my hands around whether or not I only like bdsm for the simple fact that those things happened to me. I have not really come to a conclusion on that thought process, but I have stopped worrying about it so much. I find that I like bdsm because I like to please, and to keep my partner happy, I have stopped being concerned with how or why because i find as a victim it will sometimes eat you up inside if you try to focus on that. I look at what happened as what happened, and yes there is the possibility that it is the reason why all of this is an interest to me now, but I just go with what I like is what I like. Sometimes I have that fantasy where I relive what happened to me, but many times it does not end so well for me, I think that for me personally I love the deeper bond that comes from this lifestyle, and although I am not opposed to intense pain, I try to avoid it as it can sometimes bring back bad memories. I think every person is different in this situation, but I know that if you are trying to "relive" it you need to find a person you can read you and respond when you act negatively. I have had an instance where the person I was playing with was fully aware of my situation, we got to playing in that manner, and I started to have flash backs, and he did not stop, needless to say it was not a pleasant experience. I think that when playing rape when you have been rapped you just need to take it slow, and make sure your partner fully understands how you might react, and know when to stop.

Firstly, I want to say I'm sorry for everyone who has had bad experiences like the ones shared here, and thank you for your courage.

As for me, I cannot say that anything from my childhood has resulted in me being into BDSM. There are some moments few and far between, in which I had interacted or saw BDSM type things. Such as tying to a chair like flying66 mentioned. I would say these experiences made me excited and left me feeling hot (in that kind of way), and I wouldn't say there was any dramatic experience to note, however.

I would not try and say that your past experiences couldn't be why you're here, but I would like to say that I'm not sure that they're directly related to why you're interested in them. Personally, it is my opinion that we're born interested, although it may take a while for people to realize this.

In your case, I think it would be best to go slowly with it. If you find that it is a good outlet than do continue with it. I'm very glad you shared this with your husband, and from your description he sounds like an understanding person. Please be patient with him though. He, like us, cannot fully comprehend your situation and I ask that you take the time to understand that he only wants the best for you.

Best of luck.

yes it does help out with me it does. I was raped and molested for years on end. And i guess for some reason that being a slave has helped me cope with my fears and past of it. I think it has made me like being submissive and slave, and had to cope with many things when i first started doing sessions with my master. I had to tell him because i fear i would hurt him but like most you have to go in slowly with this and the more we do it the more i become confident and overcame my past and fears. I have tried being dominant but thats not my nature but i think with most i think it is a coping mechism i hope i spelled that right to help get their fears out and be more open and carefree again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by VaAugusta

Firstly, I want to say I'm sorry for everyone who has had bad experiences like the ones shared here, and thank you for your courage.

As for me, I cannot say that anything from my childhood has resulted in me being into BDSM. There are some moments few and far between, in which I had interacted or saw BDSM type things. Such as tying to a chair like flying66 mentioned. I would say these experiences made me excited and left me feeling hot (in that kind of way), and I wouldn't say there was any dramatic experience to note, however.

I would not try and say that your past experiences couldn't be why you're here, but I would like to say that I'm not sure that they're directly related to why you're interested in them. Personally, it is my opinion that we're born interested, although it may take a while for people to realize this.

In your case, I think it would be best to go slowly with it. If you find that it is a good outlet than do continue with it. I'm very glad you shared this with your husband, and from your description he sounds like an understanding person. Please be patient with him though. He, like us, cannot fully comprehend your situation and I ask that you take the time to understand that he only wants the best for you.

Best of luck.

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after much wrestling with why am i like this, i have begun to accept it as how i am. i feel if it becomes part of the abuse i suffered, which was severe according to those who treated me, it is no longer the beautiful relationship i share with my Master. i do occasionally question why i like pain, as i know it is an instinct to survive and avoid it. i just don't want to lump this in with all the other unpleasant things listed as side effects from the traumas i lived through.

I was introduced to sex by being tied up and molested by a woman living in our neighborhood when I was a teenager back in the 1960s. Lasted about a year and eventually included another woman.


Perhaps that is why I prefer women dominating me today.