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i apologise is this has been done before People talk about trust, gaining trust, having trust. When we say we trust someone what exactly does that mean? What type of things do you trust them to do, or not to do, or what types of things do you trust them with?
Depends on the level of trust.
Trust is complicated, comes in levels or degrees, what type of trust or situation has than other element of factors involved. There is an unknown factor in trust. We can't predict the future or what might happen - which brings faith into the scenario in large extent. We can base trust on honesty, integrity, past behavior, morality, legality, or then again you can base it solely on actions of the present and proven track record starting from that day forward. Someone young might be just as trust worthy as someone old. The degree of trust varies from if it's just a daily interaction of friendships, to casual play, to scenes or a full time relationship.
I for example know some that push scenes to safeword almost every time, yet this is something I don't agree with doing as a 'rule of safeword' and would not trust mine in a situation like that or advise it.
Someone's past behavior or 'earned credit rating' as stated in last post, can be very important factor, but not necessarily the overall last word to establishing trust. Using that same example, that would be like saying just because you paid late a few times, or had one default loan, your going to do that the rest of your life.
I think on matter what is used as establishing trust, or for what particular situation and amount of trust, you have to always remember that a certain amount of faith or 'gut instinct' is integral aspect. What someone might do in a unexpected situation that was unknown or seen coming, might mean more then all the above.
I trust absolutely completely, within the realm that trust seems appropriate. For example, after about the first minute of meeting someone, back when I used to do those Starbucks dates, I'd know whether I'd trust the person not to put a date rape drug in my drink. I'm not saying this was wise or not wise, but once I'd made that determination, I never revisited it. The only reason I would is if the person actually gave me new, affirmative evidence that I needed to worry about that. Does that mean that my trust extended to going home with him? Absolutely not. Complete trust not to drug and kidnap me, no trust at all regarding being alone in his apartment. But when I was ready to trust going home with someone, I did it and didn't second-guess that. (Yes, I did have a safe call because I believe in hedging your bets, but did I ever have an internal feeling that that was necessary? Nope.)
So for me, trust is an ever-widening circle. When he proves trustworthy in one area, then I naturally expand my level of trust to a new one. And trust is pretty much an on/off switch for me. If I trust him with something, I trust him with it. I don't second guess, I don't look for contrary evidence, I don't get all paranoid about that little text tone or why is he not answering the phone - unless there's some reason to. Then the trust is gone anyway.
In my current relationship I find that I am free to extend more and more trust because it has never once been abused.
Trust is one of those words that is complicated by personal feelings and situations. There is always the dictionary definition, then there is how the word is applied, used and understood for each situation.
When you pay for a six-pack of beer do you count your change or do you blindly trust the check-out person to give it back correctly? Is this a convenience store in a less than desirable neighborhood or a nice shopping center? Is the clerk wearing worn jeans and a t-shirt with some stupid saying or the store's uniform? The surroundings and the clerk's appearances automatically are assessed by our subconscious experiences and we react without even knowing it.
Do any of us here even trust each other? "Hi, my name is John Doe, I live at 123 Long Street in Casper, Wyoming and my phone number is 305-999-1234 and my wife is Jane Doe and we have a dog named Bingo." Of course not. Hell no. Any of us could be who-knows-who and do personal damage with that information. I do trust st-----h and de---, though. Sight unseen, just knowing about their intelligence and how they use it. Isn't that crazy, or what?
Before trust can be allowed, the hurdle of when meeting someone do they manage to cross that invisible barrier we all have of "is this someone I would care to have another word with"? Did they approach me or did I approach them? Each of us have our own definitions of that barrier.
So to answer the original question, there is no answer, except on a very personal level. This would make a good conversation subject while we all sit in a pub having a couple of beers, wouldn't it. We have an excellent brewery here in my hometown, how about meeting there this afternoon? Oh, and I lied, it isn't really Casper, Wyoming! You can fly into Missoula, Montana.
This is the same exact question you asked in an earlier thread sweetie:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=21839
Very good point.Quote:
Originally Posted by leah06
Does it mean that if violated once, it cannot be regained?
Hey, Thir. As with many things, I guess yes and no. A big question is, why was the trust violated. In my experience, a lot of times when people lie to you it's because they are in some way afraid of your response. I would hope my partner would feel safe telling me the truth, even if it would be distressing to me, and know that I would have feelings about it but that I wouldn't punish him for it. So I think that if trust is broken in sort of ordinary, day-to-day things, it could be regained if both people learned from the experience and were able to alter their relationship dynamic.
I don't really believe that there are trivial violations of trust, but obviously there are more or less serious ones. With something serious, sadly, I'm not sure trust could ever be fully regained. It doesn't mean that I would necessarily end the relationship, but I do think that I would be more wary, more careful, about whatever that issue was. It fits in with what I was saying before, that I trust completely until there's some new information that indicates that's not really reasonable. A major breach of trust is, in fact, information of just that kind. I think you can accept it, and work it into your relationship, but I don't think that information will just go away.