definition of submission??
we were wondering what everyone's definition of submissive is. Someone said the other day that dom/sub is not about sex. Sorry, for us it is!
Sylvie says for us, the definition of submissive is that if we disagree about anything, I win. (that's her short definition).
However, we want to know what you understand the term to mean, as it applies to you.
As a dom, what to you expect from your sub?
As a sub, what do you accept from your dom?
We bet there will be lots of variation in the definitions!!
Sylvie was going to ask this herself, but she can't get on-line tonight, her laptop ISP seems to be having a problem. That's why it's so quiet ....
Re: definition of submission??
Quote:
Originally posted by write4jetc
we were wondering what everyone's definition of submissive is. Someone said the other day that dom/sub is not about sex. Sorry, for us it is!
For us, it can be. Ouor scenes are not always scenes and they don't always involve sex. Sometimes, they just involve her fetching me a cup of coffee. I live with a coffee-muggle, so she never wants any. They might also involve her being tied down and blindfolded with massage oil all over her body and then having copious amounts of hot wax poured over her back and thighs. Usually, these sorts of things don't involve sex, just good, old-fashioned serving and torture.
Quote:
Sylvie says for us, the definition of submissive is that if we disagree about anything, I win. (that's her short definition).
However, we want to know what you understand the term to mean, as it applies to you.
As a dom, what to you expect from your sub?
I expect her trust and her compliance. I expect her to do what I ask without complaint, but if she has a problem with what I am asking of her, then I expect her to notify me immediately so we may discuss it. Other than that, I don't guess I have a whole lot of expectations.
Quote:
As a sub, what do you accept from your dom?
We bet there will be lots of variation in the definitions!!
Sylvie was going to ask this herself, but she can't get on-line tonight, her laptop ISP seems to be having a problem. That's why it's so quiet ....
There probably will be lots of variations. Some people are a lot stricter and rule-intensive than we are. I guess we could be, but its just not what we want from our lives right now. We have enough on our plate without having to worry about every little detail of our BDSM life, too.
Hmm interesting question.
It is a good question indeed.
Let's see. What do I want from my dominant? Hard question to answer really. I basically want someone that can treat me as a submissive, but not as a doormat or a piece of meat. I want him to be able to push my limits, but be ready to stop if I am having too much trouble. (which he does) Also, someone who can "beat me" but not BEAT me... someone that recognizes discipline from abuse (which he does)
Also, I want someone who will be patient with me but still remind me of what I am supposed to be working towards. For example, I am not what you would call a "sexual person". I never initiate sexual contact. I just don't think about it. Perhaps it is because I have been rejected by men so much that I fear even rejection from him, even though I know it is silly. But I am getting better at it. I have initiated it a few times in the past while.
It's kind of odd, though. I feel more submissive in having to start sexual contact than if I am just taken spontaneously. Don't ask me why, I know nothing of psychology. It is just a strange fact.
Heck, I never would have talked about this sort of thing in public 6 months ago, so I guess I am making progress.
Quote:
Having said this, what isn't your sub doing? She's said she's having a hard time getting back into it - does that mean she won't get you coffee when you ask <grin>?
To be honest, yes. I do admit to having a bit of a problem getting back into it. Not for lack of wanting, but as he said, it has a lot to do with time and timing. I do get him his coffee when he asks (most times without grumbling lol) but we are progressing slowly. When I was in Texas and didn't have to work and was home all day with nothing to worry about, it was easy, but now it is hard. I have a job that has a fair amount of responsibility (not that it will get me anywhere) and I am always having to give people hell for things they did wrong, then I come home and it's hard to switch roles.
Perhaps that is why we have considered looking for a female dominant to help getting me back into the swing of things. They usually have a different way of looking at things and approaching them. But we have yet to actually get that far.
(sorry my post is so long. I get overly verbose sometimes.)
