What now?

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10-04-2004
Madrigal

What now?

Well I am a guy from Canada, and have been involved in BDSM for a few months. I am mainly interested in role play, or at the very least a Dom/Sub relationship. I have only ever been doing it with one girl, and it was completely non sexual, beyond a kiss here and there.

I have grown a bit distant from the girl, but have since been talking to a really good girl friend of mine who I would take a bullet for, one of those "best friends" you will never leave. I tell her absolutely everything and including this stuff, she knows more about me than any of my friends and parents combined. I have been talking to her about BDSM for quite some time now, explaining what I did, and unlike others I've talked to, she never refered to it as "weird" or "gross" which lead me to wonder if maybe she was interested. So I have been talking to her a lot lately, actually beginning to wonder if maybe she likes me, but regardless she keeps asking things like "well wouldn't it be weird to do it with a good friend?" and many things like that, which kind of hinted towards her interest. So tonight, before she went offline I asked her if ever she might be interested. Not too my surprise she said she was, oddly enough I had always viewed her as the type for some reason, even though to most others she is just an average athletic girl.

To me she seems more like a bondage than a D/S role play type of person. Getting pleasure and stimulation through light pain and more sensual things like candle wax and stuff, rather than through being slapped or spanked or yelled at. Like tonight we had talked about wax, or being wrapped in saran wrap and stimulated and what not, what really helps is our overall openness to each other. We've never dated but I have no trouble in telling her anything about me.

I have researched how to go about first timers, but I wanted to hear it from more people. I know how to play it safe, and would start relatively basic with her, we are both virgins, and I have no intentions of having sex right now, so I don't want to dive into that, but assuming she is comfortable with removing clothes I am sure other stuff may take place. I know she likes the idea of someone being in control, but not an actual Dom/sub/slave type thing.

Anyway.

Suggestions, ideas, help?

Much Appreciated everybody.

-Colin.
10-05-2004
MrJerseyGuy

Go for it!

My girlfriend/sub of over a year and a half now was formerly my "best friend" for several years. Like your situation, she knew everything about me including my sex life. If I got laid...she was my first phone call to tell about it uncluding every detail.

I used to think she was a bit of a prude...until we started dating in the biblical sense! She is the perfect woman! A saint in public and a complete slut in the bedroom! And a pain slut at that!

We are still experimenting and learning together on limits...but so far I'll be damned if I can find one.

Anyway, if you are looking for ideas you came to the right place. This was the first stop I made when I realized she had an interest and I learned much from these forums.

If you're looking for advice...mine is to take it slow and easy. Better to keep testing/pushing/increasing limits than to exceed them.

Just hang onto your balls! Its the quiet ones that'll fool you everytime!
10-05-2004
Madrigal

Thats the great thing, and why I hope it will turn into something more.

I mean I havn't dated for three years, I had never found someone I actually wanted to spend a lot of time with and stuff, but I do love this girl to death, especially in a best friend sense.

Like you I tell her EVERYTHING, I don't think there is anything about me she doesn't know, and if there is something and she asked I would tell her. There have just been certain instances that have lead me to believe this stuff may be right up her alley.

I think first I will approach and basically ask what she wants, say basically that it can be sexual, or non-sexual stuff (I.e naked, touching/feeling/licking etc). If she says she would like that, then I have no problem with it, but if she says she wants it non-sexual thats fine too. I would love for it to lead to a relationship, but don't want anything too too serious since I would be devestated if I lost her as a friend or something. I have talked to her before, and she has agreed she isn't big on dating right now either (we are "relatively" young) what appeals to her more is "FWB" or just sort of seeing each other, without all of the emotional attachment that could cripple our friendship if anything went awry. Basically what I would want is for us to do this stuff, and have a relationship, but kind of a monogamous bdsm relationship, we are together, but not serious. We both know we still have our hole lives ahead of us and we don't want to rush into anything long term now.

My past experience has been a lot of heavier stuff, especially dom/sub type roleplay. Example, my first time ever involved in bdsm at all I had slapped, bitten, hair pulled, and spanked my sub until she was bawling and crying. I was always the nice guy, I would get angry at people for picking flowers out of gardens, or littering. If I accidentally hurt someone I knew I wouldn't leave them alone asking them if they were okay and appologizing, I was always a non-violent caring individual (which my size wouldn't lead you to believe 6'3 245lbs). But that first time I just couldn't stop, I was afraid I would hurt her too much, it was so weird to do it as well, it was kind of like all the years I had been not dating or looking for something (I am a virgin) and it was right here. In that moment, while spanking her, I had found what I was looking for. What I want to try with the new girl, and what I think she is more into, though I need to talk to her still, is more just bondage. Like tying up and then waxplay, or teasing or stuff like that, over serious hitting and slave/master type stuff. Which is great because I have been yearning to try this, but havn't found a person. I guess I am just really, really fortunate that the one who was interested turned out to be one of my best friends.
10-06-2004
MrJerseyGuy

Good attitude!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Madrigal

Thats the great thing, and why I hope it will turn into something more.

I mean I havn't dated for three years, I had never found someone I actually wanted to spend a lot of time with and stuff, but I do love this girl to death, especially in a best friend sense.

Like you I tell her EVERYTHING, I don't think there is anything about me she doesn't know, and if there is something and she asked I would tell her. There have just been certain instances that have lead me to believe this stuff may be right up her alley.

I think first I will approach and basically ask what she wants, say basically that it can be sexual, or non-sexual stuff (I.e naked, touching/feeling/licking etc). If she says she would like that, then I have no problem with it, but if she says she wants it non-sexual thats fine too. I would love for it to lead to a relationship, but don't want anything too too serious since I would be devestated if I lost her as a friend or something. I have talked to her before, and she has agreed she isn't big on dating right now either (we are "relatively" young) what appeals to her more is "FWB" or just sort of seeing each other, without all of the emotional attachment that could cripple our friendship if anything went awry. Basically what I would want is for us to do this stuff, and have a relationship, but kind of a monogamous bdsm relationship, we are together, but not serious. We both know we still have our hole lives ahead of us and we don't want to rush into anything long term now.

My past experience has been a lot of heavier stuff, especially dom/sub type roleplay. Example, my first time ever involved in bdsm at all I had slapped, bitten, hair pulled, and spanked my sub until she was bawling and crying. I was always the nice guy, I would get angry at people for picking flowers out of gardens, or littering. If I accidentally hurt someone I knew I wouldn't leave them alone asking them if they were okay and appologizing, I was always a non-violent caring individual (which my size wouldn't lead you to believe 6'3 245lbs). But that first time I just couldn't stop, I was afraid I would hurt her too much, it was so weird to do it as well, it was kind of like all the years I had been not dating or looking for something (I am a virgin) and it was right here. In that moment, while spanking her, I had found what I was looking for. What I want to try with the new girl, and what I think she is more into, though I need to talk to her still, is more just bondage. Like tying up and then waxplay, or teasing or stuff like that, over serious hitting and slave/master type stuff. Which is great because I have been yearning to try this, but havn't found a person. I guess I am just really, really fortunate that the one who was interested turned out to be one of my best friends.

Sounds to me like you have exactly the right attitude for bdsm. You can always apologize for not going far enough with her...but you can't take back going too far. The first time I knew mine had an interest was when she made the comment "Too bad you don't have a headboard" She was implying that there was nothing to tie her to. Fortunately, I picked up on that right away and had big I-bolts in the wall by the next day! Since then we experiment a little more each time and she loves it. But its a slow process. Its strange because I don't want to hurt her...but she loves the mix of pain/pleasure so I keep coming up with new ideas to push the pain part further each time. So far...no complaints!

Unlike you, I am not young...she's 31 and I have 15 years on her. I have done lots and lots of dating over the years and have never had a sex life like this one. "Sessions" are always at least 2 weeks apart...with a mix of vanilla sex in the meantime. That's just a schedule problem...not by design. But the point is...you don't have to tie her up and beat her everytime. So far, it has done nothing except keep the sex between us really exciting and made us both look forward to what is to come "next time". Its always something different and the limits keep going.

Don't mean to ramble. It's just that your first post sounded like exactly where I found myself over a year and a half ago. The key for us was to talk about it, joke about it...then try it. This weekend will be her first time being whipped to the point of tears and she is all for it. With each new suggestion...her response has been "So far you haven't done anything I didn't like..."

Oh and for the record...my best friend/sub are getting a house together next month! Sometimes it does work out.
10-06-2004
sweetplymate

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrJerseyGuy

Oh and for the record...my best friend/sub are getting a house together next month! Sometimes it does work out.

Congratulations!

and Madrigal...you know, they say best friends make the best lovers...i don't know from personal experience, but everything i have heard from people around me lead me to believe it really is true :)