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What I have here is a simple question that I hope elicits more than a simple answer.
Has anyone ever met a person that is positive, if not insistent that they are a sub or Dom(me), but every part of you is looking at this person thinking, "You must be joking."?
How does one handle/deal/interact with someone like that? Do you try to convince/show them? Do you ignore them? Smile and nod? Boot to the head?
Treat others with courtesy and respect. It's hard if someone you don't relate well to, wants to "play" or even just talk, but hopefully they will find their way, on their own.
Honestly, if they're not bothering you or someone you care about, why worry about it? I'm sure you know better than to judge people solely on appearance. However, sometimes people .acting. like doofuses can be highly entertaining so if they fall into that category I'd go with "smile and nod".
Good point. And some of us do face a much steeper learning curve than others, so we do need a little more time to get the hang of things.
High five for boot to the head reference.
Let it go.
Unless they are trying to push you around on the basis of their assumed identity, it's polite to treat people as what they claim to be. I once needlessly offended a transsexual by telling her I couldn't see her as a girl; it was true, but there wasn't any need to say it.
If someone presents as a Dom(me), and your Dom instinct tells you sie could fall at your feet and submit at the drop of a hint, don't say so: just drop those hints and let it happen. It's far more satisfactory when it leaves hir bewildered and astonished :-)
There have been a couple of cases where close friends of mine have been getting involved with people who I do not believe are what they think they are, in which case I whisper something in my friends ear, and then leave them to decide.
People have to make their own mistakes, the person claiming to be something they aren't included.
Arch
From my experience, most people in this situation either learn the hard way and become a better sub/Dom/me as a result (whether they originally started out as such - they either become better at what they claimed to be or find they are better as the other) or they give up and decide that they prefer vanilla (usually once they realise that no, you cannot get laid any easier by claiming to be a Dom and taking advantage of all that 'sexy, easy, sub pussy' that is, by reputation, hanging around the BDSM scene). Peer pressure is a great tool when used for the purpose of good - in this case demonstrating to someone who does not know exactly what it means to be a sub/slave/Dom/me rather than a wannabe. I should know because I started out as just such a wannabe and I think many here did likewise.
Thank you for all the replies so far. I agree with with what's been said.
In most other situations, I would never have had a second thought about
letting others live their lives and make their own decisions and mistakes.
My only issue is that this time it involves someone I know rather well and
care about. And I get the feeling that it is this confusion that is causing
them a great deal of the dissatisfaction in their life.
So now I'm not sure if I can/should just watch them be miserable or if I should
talk with them about it.
Oh yes, and to all those that didn't laugh, I bequeath...a boot to the head.
If it is a close friend, really you would know them better than anyone else here could guess at on the best way to approach them and talk it over.
Arch
Yes, I have. I smile and nod. It's really none of my business, unless it's someone I know who makes it my business. At that point, I'll offer my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cipher
Having been on the receiving end of incredulousness by people who thought they knew me well, I still say an opinion is like an asshole in that everyone has one. There are some who can't imagine me being submissive and others who can't imagine me being dominant in any way, shape or form. I don't need their approval. To thine own self be true.
Yep. Just because you know them in one guise, doesn't mean they are satisfied in that guise. Just look at Type-A dominants in the business world who need a release from the stressors and find it through submission... or at least bottoming.
You may never get a glimpse of that other side of them. Consider yourself lucky your friend is so open with you. I suggest supporting them in their search (so long as it doesn't impinge on your own needs nor your mutual friendship.)
I've been thinking about this for a couple days now, and talking with her. I came to roughly the same conclusion as what Oz has suggested.
Thank you all for you opinions and advice. Though like ass-holes they may be, without them we would not be who we are.
I would just let people make up their own mind and ideas on how to live their lives. If it doesnt directly effect me then sometimes i will ususally leave it alone and let it go. But if i feel very strongly about it, then i might mention but i try my best to be nice to people no matter how much i dont think they are what they say they are.