questionable...

ok... sooo.. i havent been on here in a while... annd i mean a long while... ad i miss everyone... just thought id start with that...

so i have a Dom... and i sub to him more often than not. we tend to switch every once in a while once i have gotten frustrated enough to take him. lately i havent been in the mood to dom or sub and i dont know why...

so that brings me to my question....

if you have a lot of stress going on and you are a dom or sub... does it make it a little harder to dom or sub? or are you able to not show it/ and if you are able to not show it then how do you do it/

Hmm....interesting question. For me it is like this......When I have had a particularly hard week/day/month and am feeling very stressed out. The one place I really want to be is at my Master's feet with my head in his lap and his hand gently stroking my hair while i regroup. He never rushes me when I'm doing this. He will sit there for as long as I need. My closeness to him helps me to get past my stress and be able to cope better. He is my safe place. My calm place. When everything else is going to hell, I can run to his arms and feel like I can let go of everything else for as long as I'm there.

This peaceful feeling is not limited to just when I'm kneeling at his feet though. I feel this way when ever he is exerting his control over me, however he chooses to do that. Being his slave simply makes me feel better about everything.

When he is stressed or not feeling well, then I simply don't push for attention from him. I tend to quietly make myself available for whatever he needs. Even if that is just laying silently by his side so that he can be comforted with my presence. There is not always something I can say to make things better for him. But there is always something I can do, even if it is just leaving him alone so he can regroup on his own. I suppose it's all a matter of reading your partner and trying to understand what they need.

So, no, being stressed does not make it harder for me to be a slave. Being stressed makes me cling to it more than ever.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by .x.Cole.x.

we tend to switch every once in a while once i have gotten frustrated enough to take him.

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I'm afraid I don't understand what you mean by that.

As far as stress interfering with my ability/desire to dom/sub....not really. It's what makes me feel better. His stress, on the other hand, is what tends to affect things. *pout*

My stress tends to make me more submissive in the sense that it's really my stress relief. Just losing myself in my thoughts (because He can't often be physically near me) and in His voice on the phone can do wonders for my focus and motivation. Most of the time i just miss Him so much that i don't want to do anything else, but i apply my submissiveness to every aspect of my life and think about both sexual and non-sexual ways to truly please Him... Although, just to put it in perspective, i'm rarely NOT stressed. The day i can really just take a vacation with Him, i might have a heart attack from feeling so free to be sooo submissive... *sigh* i miss Him....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by .x.Cole.x.

we tend to switch every once in a while once i have gotten frustrated enough to take him.

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This statement is disconcerting. Dominance should not be done out of frustration (or anger either). A dominant should be in control of his or her own emotions during any power exchange. That's not to say a dominant should appear aloof and detached, but negative emotions have no place in a D/s scene.

That being said, there will be times your Dom/me relies upon you for emotional support, just as you rely upon him/her for the same.

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Originally Posted by satisfied{SW}

Hmm....interesting question. For me it is like this......When I have had a particularly hard week/day/month and am feeling very stressed out. The one place I really want to be is at my Master's feet with my head in his lap and his hand gently stroking my hair while i regroup. He never rushes me when I'm doing this. He will sit there for as long as I need. My closeness to him helps me to get past my stress and be able to cope better. He is my safe place. My calm place. When everything else is going to hell, I can run to his arms and feel like I can let go of everything else for as long as I'm there.

This peaceful feeling is not limited to just when I'm kneeling at his feet though. I feel this way when ever he is exerting his control over me, however he chooses to do that. Being his slave simply makes me feel better about everything.

So, no, being stressed does not make it harder for me to be a slave. Being stressed makes me cling to it more than ever.

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I couldnt agree more. I LOVE sitting at my Masters feet with my head in his lap as he plays with my hair and affectionately says "My pet" in that low rumble of a voice that drives me completely batty and makes me melt....:)

funny thing, I JUST had this conversation with my master last night. When I feel stressed and off kilter, I feel a deep NEED for his dominance over me. For example: in social groups I feel very uncomfortable and stressed. I "push" at my master and he snaps me into my place with a look or a word. Not really something I should "push his buttons" to get. I'm aware of that, but I was having a hard time communicating that which is why we talked last night lol. For me what it boils down to is when I feel off and unhappy and unable to deal, I can sink into being his submissive. Take a deep breath, and handle what ever is going on with a calm mind. Isn't a dom a wonderful thing for a submissive? I wouldn't want to be with out mine. Sorry for rambling :)

When i am stressed i just go to the mall and bring in a cane and cane the hell out of teenagers it fun its free and well it keeps the riff raff in the foodcourt down to a minimum.......no stress doesnt effect me being a dom and actually having someone who submits to me completely releaves my stress

i have noticed the same thing, stress can make one seem, apathetic? not as enthused? to sub or dom. i am a switch too, and i noticed the same thing for the last two weeks, and i figured out how to fix it. you might be having the same routine in your life, and that can be stressful just because of the repetition.
me, i have a daughter, and everyday is about her. i took her over to a babysitters, and had a ME day. it helped me.
so, change your routine, take a day off for yourself, and, make time specifically to do something. as a dom or a sub. write out a scene, or just something to do as domandsub. and do it, even if you arent Really in the mood. you will be by the end of it.

i like this thread, thank you so much for posting.
a couple of weeks ago i was in a similar situation, i was not in a good place and being my usual stubborn self i wouldnt let on until i just had to get away and bailed on him (its an o/l relationship) the next day we talked, i needed a bit of time off, much like has been said to ground myself again, let the stress out, get in the right frame of mind etc. so yes to a certain extent i am the "same" as you. i think everyone is different, our life, our experiences, our upbringing, our routine and many other aspects of our life all add up together to determine how we will react to a situation. theres no specific way how you should react, the way that works for you is the right way to handel the situation
:)

emma

nothing takes away my stress like being at my masters feet, with him caressing my hair

it seems to be a running theme for us subs lol

when im running on empty, feeling very low (i suffer from S.A.D), he will run me a bath, wash me, wrap me in a towel and then hold me until i feel better....hes not being submissive to me, hes caring for my needs and i love him for it