How do you ..

How do you deal with heartbreak/ache?

Hm... you're miserable for days and weeks and months and apparently so i have been told it gets better some day. Tell me if you find a better way...

I mean some people just start fucking around but I don't wanna do that. I don't want to associate pain with misery.

Pink frosted cupcakes and a good bottle of bourbon - it may not sound like a good combination, but trust me it is...lol ;)

Seriously though...

Anyone who knows J and I know that our situation has been a rough one from the start. We became involved as each of our prior relationships were crumbling and ending, there are kids involved and one bitter, bitter ex that is determined not to let go. Relationships are hard enough on their own, pile on more and more outside variables and you're looking at a really rough row to hoe. Hence, J and I are on separate paths for what could be a really long time or, if I wanna be blunt about it, forever.

When I think about him, see something that reminds me of him, walk by a place we ate out at or used to go...well...I really rather would have my heart physically ripped from my chest than to feel it tearing out like it does emotionally. I'll let you in on a little secret since we're talking about it: I wake up at night sometimes to find I've been sobbing in my sleep, often to the point where I'm hyperventilating or I have to go throw up. The positive side to waking up like this? At least that means I've slept. Most nights I wander around until nearly dawn - I'm an insomniac naturally but I'm down to about three hours of sleep a night now, and that's pushing it even for me.

However, I keep coming back to one thing that I just can't ignore: to be able to hurt this deeply means I loved equally deeply. People walk the planet in DROVES that have never known a minute of what I felt in my heart, and still do feel, for J-Go. Not only did I give that love but it was, for a time, returned to me. Whether that was for five minutes or five years, it doesn't matter - there existed in my life that feeling of loving another person with no reservations.

I loved.

And that makes me very very very lucky...

I focus on that, I respect that more than I respect my pain, and somehow that seems to soothe things little by little.

Amber since the first time i read one of your posts you have captivated me. Hearing your struggle with love has touched a lot of people, as I have seen on another thread. Thank you for putting in your kind words. What you said touched me and made a lot of sense. Thank you. I hope that one day it gets better for you, and J. Whether I mean that in a ‘hope your paths cross again,’ or ‘I hope you two find happiness else where’ I hope that it happens to the both of you.

However, I keep coming back to one thing that I just can't ignore: to be able to hurt this deeply means I loved equally deeply.

that hit home. Again, thank you!

I was in love once - completely, totally, madly, *throw in couple of violins* in love. I thought that that was the only thing that mattered and every time after he hurt me and broke my heart - I would go back. Why? Because I loved him. And because I thought that was it, that I would never be able to love again. How it ended? Bloody. Deep down inside of me, I still love him, but something snapped inside of me, or maybe he just broke my heart so many times there was nothing left to break. Breaking the habit of going back to him, was akin to breaking the addiction. For months I went to sleep sobbing and crying, only to dream of him. But break it I did. Your eyes dry out, you go numb to all the love songs, ice cream sickens you - and then, for the first time in a long time, you notice the sun is shining. And you start looking again, even if you are telling yourself that you are not, you start to hope again. And then one day, you meet someone - someone patient, someone who kisses your scars, someone who isn't afraid of the whole person you are - and you surprise yourself, not just by your ability to love again, to trust again, but for having thought that that was love at all.

Love awakened...

When the heart is shaken, joy is near,
So to let its curious balm
Be my consolation; not to fear
Love's agitations, but to embrace this calm.
Love was not mirrored; I gazed on his soul
And withdrew mine, yet this joy will survive
And not wither, though it lacks its goal
And must rest in my own safekeeping to thrive.
At last I recognise that my love's face
Is Wisdom, and while in this contemplation
The abundance of her lovely gifts of Grace
Begins my sore but proper education.
For what's a little honest heart's pain,
Compared with knowing that my heart can love again?

I have never had my heart broken personally.
I have been in the throes of lust many times and have been broken to a degree, but I move on.
Maybe I am a harsh, uncaring person, but I take things for what they are. I live for me and for no one else.
If another person cannot share with me, then I must give up and go on.
There are more important things for me than finding a person with whom I can share with emotionally and intimately.
I need to live and be me, with or without a soul mate.
To be honest, there will always be another who will fill the gap. Maybe it won't be as strong a bond as I felt with certain people, but I can fill that gap somehow.

That said I don't know how I will feel when my b/f finally says good bye. It might be the hardest thing I will ever do in my lifetime. I care for him a great deal as he does me, but we both know that we cannot compliment each other any more.
We had discussed this many times and felt that if one person needed to leave then the other would let them.
It may be easier to say than to actually ever do, and my only advice is to keep busy, stay true to yourself, and know that you do not need to rely on someone else to make your life whole, only you can do that.

Some people never find love, some people do. Take it for what it was and know that you can move on because you have too.

My signiture sums it up for me:

You must be prepared for both "The bad and the good".

I try to embrace the memory of the joys that we shared as opposed to dwelling on the bad things that resulted in the loss of the relationship.

my belated hubby "Master" died coming on 7 years and have been very honored to have had him in my life and bear his 2 beautiful children...I miss him deeply....now as they say Life goes on.......I have met Poetguy1979 my wonderful and sexy Master and he has stepped in where my late hubby has left off....and that, I feel lucky to have two wonderfull men in my life along with my son......a good cry and ice cream seem to do the trick with me, and writing in my journal......