How hard is too hard?

We all have enjoyed the great fantasy stories here. We have great geographic reach and people with diverse interests in the life style. So in real life when you see scenes what types of scenes for you are too much?

Ill give and example from my recent past. A group of us headed half way across the state to a munch and a party at a club. The first scene I did was with a BIG boy, 6'4" 300lbs. It was very physical heavy flogging, whipping, cbt, punching and nipple play. We had to have two people stand on the cross just to slow its progress across the room. Two hours later we were 30' from where we started and three tops we dripping in sweat and panting for air and one boy was very happy.

The second was with a young lady and was just the opposite it was quiet, very little percussive play lots of sensation, some shrink wrapping and some rope mixed with a few orgasms. An hour and a half later two doms were enjoying a good glass of wine and a subby girl was a puddle of goo at her Masters feet.

As this crowd doesn't see us play often the comments started to come in hot and heavy. There were a group people who before the first scene was far along were complaining to the DM (thank goodness we know him). For them this was way over the top. There was also some talk in the next few days that the second scene was just too "prissy" and "fluffy" to be BDSM. HMMM... Same tops, same audience.

This reaction is not unique to this night. I hear it allot about play in both private and public settings. So for you in your real life is too much and when does too little cease to be BDSM and become just kinky sex?

DK

I think, obviously, that it's largely a matter of the spectator's (or participants) individual taste.

There are certain things that I have no interest in watching or doing (scat, blood, pain beyond the enjoyment of the recipient), and certain things which I love that others may have no interest in (public humiliation, watersports).

I guess the crowd that watched your scenes that night was kind of "middle of the road". And if you get 100 responses to this thread, you'll probably get 90 different answers.

I would have to agree with Leanr Humility on that one. Everyone's preferences are different. Where I would find something way over the top, you may find boring and fairly calm, and vice versa.

It's all a matter of preference and no two people are the same.

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Originally Posted by Dngnkeeper

This reaction is not unique to this night. I hear it allot about play in both private and public settings. So for you in your real life is too much and when does too little cease to be BDSM and become just kinky sex?

DK

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i think people always complain about something. a munch a party we go to got similar problems, they come up with something new and everyone complains. sometimes when they don't get enough furniture to play with, none complaints and is fine with just tying people to chairs, the next time they got lots of furniture and people complain that it wasnt' what they expected. i think same goes for play, everyone has different tastes. when people look at my website they go and say we are crazy and would play too hard and stuff, i don't think it is too hard. just cause Master uses needles is that hard? or tying my breast that tight is that too hard? i love it, some might not, and just play with feathers. but i don't think anyone has the right to complain about other peoples play and say it's not hard enough for bdsm or too hard :(

Well for myself there is a great deal that I consider to be light bdsm and not in the extreme of things. Yet for many people my idea of extreme is to some way to freaking extreme depending on who you talk with etc.

Everyone has their point of view when watching things happen at a play party or even on film. I have seen many things that make me sick because to me they are that way, yet I have also seen things that make me go hmmm I wonder.

To me as long as all parties involved enjoy what is happening and that no lasting damage or harm is dun that that is what matters the most, its when the lines are crossed and nothing is dun about it that to me that is just sick and wrong.

it just a matter of perspective as most things are in the world, some one looking in from the out side has no knowledge of the people involved and there feelings which is surley the most important thing, both sence sounds wonderfully, intresting and diffrent which is always a good thing.


:)

I feel that a good rule of thumb is that nothing is too hard or too soft to be considered BDSM. All that BDSM requires is some element of power exchange and the guidelines of “Safe, Sane, and Consensual”. This can be anything from a pair of handcuffs or just the idea of power exchange all the way to long recovery times or even permanent marking. As long as safety is taken into account and everyone is having a good time, how is another to say it is wrong? The question of what is enjoyable to watch is, however, a different question, and varies greatly from person to person and group to group. It is impossible to please everyone; one can only try to please the majority, and clubs cater to a diverse group of people, so some will enjoy something, and others will not and might complain. My only real advice would be to try to measure the crowd and do the best one can.