new and just tryin to get some Qs answered...

umm...ok so i just joined a couple days ago...

mainly i joined because i couple weeks ago after i described to my friends the kind of guy i was interested in, one who is in complete control of the relationship, he jokingly/seriously said i was into "bdsm."
before that i had never heard the term but for some reason it stuck and i decided to check it out online.

i have been reading how people knew they were a sub of not, and i found alot of stories about when people were kids. i dont really have any stories like that...

a year ago in my self defense class the teacher told us a horror story of how a woman got raped in her house at knife point and for some reason when i left the class i began to regularly fantasize bout that. lookin back now, it seems terrible of me to fantasize about something awful like that.
does that mean anything besides me being seriously disturbed???

i never admitted that to anyone, nor the fact that i have fantasized about being takaen by multiple men. im not tryin to actually have that like happen in real life...like actually being raped by a random person on the street, but the fantasy of it....
there have been other "odd" fantasies, or situations i have enjoyed, but sexually ive never actually done anything interesting at all submissive or not beyond missionary! (lame i kno!)

i dunno. any advice or insights would be appreciated. is there really no need for me to wonder if i am possibly submissive, or do i just want it rough...really rough?? ok sorry yall i know this was hella long :-(

o and btw: what does "ty" and "pm" mean, i have read it in the chat room??

You need to be introduced to the lifestyle in a gentle manner. ond if you like it then it can get more intense over time. Oh by the way you are a submissive who should be controled and trained to be a slave.

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Originally Posted by khulmz22

umm...ok so i just joined a couple days ago...

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Hello and welcome to the library. I hope you find some answers to your questions here. However, don't think anyone hear can tell you whether you're a submissive, slave or just into kinky sex. And i think it doesn't really matter which it is.

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Originally Posted by khulmz22

o and btw: what does "ty" and "pm" mean, i have read it in the chat room??

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Easy answers first: "ty" means "thank you". "pm" possibly means "private message". But then again, i'm not too sure about that myself. There's too many abbreviations used in the chatroom for me to understand them all.

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Originally Posted by khulmz22

i have been reading how people knew they were a sub of not, and i found alot of stories about when people were kids. i dont really have any stories like that...

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Me neither. Or i forgot them. Dunno if that's important to have such stories. I guess it's more important to realize you have the dreams and fantasies you wrote about.

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Originally Posted by khulmz22

a year ago in my self defense class the teacher told us a horror story of how a woman got raped in her house at knife point and for some reason when i left the class i began to regularly fantasize bout that. lookin back now, it seems terrible of me to fantasize about something awful like that.
does that mean anything besides me being seriously disturbed???

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Welcome to the evergrowing club of the seriously disturbed :D
Joking aside: Having fantasies you think are completely sick is very common. (I have fantasies i couldn't ever write about in broad daylight. They must remain in the darkness of my bedroom, neatly stashed away under the sheets... hmmm, hell yeeessss!)
So, yes, having such fantasies probably means you're a pretty normal person.

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Originally Posted by khulmz22

i never admitted that to anyone, nor the fact that i have fantasized about being takaen by multiple men. im not tryin to actually have that like happen in real life...like actually being raped by a random person on the street, but the fantasy of it....
there have been other "odd" fantasies, or situations i have enjoyed, but sexually ive never actually done anything interesting at all submissive or not beyond missionary! (lame i kno!)

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I think you just have made the most important step: To admit that you have those fantasies to yourself. Whether you want to actually live out some of those fantasies or not is something only you can know.
Now you should ask yourself: Do i want to do something beyond missionary? Do i want to find out what i want? I don't think it's an easy journey for anyone, but i do think it's a journey well worth making.

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Originally Posted by khulmz22

i dunno. any advice or insights would be appreciated. is there really no need for me to wonder if i am possibly submissive, or do i just want it rough...really rough?? ok sorry yall i know this was hella long :-(

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Again, i don't know if you need to wonder whether you're submissive or not. I was pretty exactly in your position some time ago. I felt i needed to explore it, because i felt that i always missed something in my relationships. Maybe you just need it really rough, maybe you find out that you want to submit to a Dominant 24/7. You have two options now: Try to find out if you want to explore this side of yourself or let it be. From what you write i think sooner or later you'll starting to explore it anyway, so why not start right now.

And i disagree with bigcharlie. Whether you are a slave and need to be trained to be a slave or not nobody knows. Currently not even you. And i'm also not sure whether you need someone right now to introduce you, however gentle it may be.
Personally, i think reading some stories, think about what you like/dislike and maybe even make a list (be it mental or however) of them would be a good start. And talk to people, be it via private message, in the chatter or by email. And then, if you feel you want to explore that side of your personality further, then you should go ahead and look for someone who helps you finding out about yourself.

That's all my opinion on the matter, but i think finding out about yourself, what you really want, whether you're a submissive or whatever is important enough to take your time and go reeeeaaaal slooooooooow.

And, although i hope it doesn't apply on this forum: Keep in mind that you're in the www. There's creeps and freaks. Take care.

Good luck and my best wishes for your journey, may it be full of excitement and joy and may it lead you where you belong.

PS: Feel free to pm or email me whenever you want.

Points up,, what she said khulmz22 what she said

and:

Wellcome to the site!!!

We are so very happy to have you here. The forums are full of great information, as well as having a very nice personels section and chatroom.

Feel free to pm (private message) any of the staff or myself with conserns or questions, we are more than willing to lend a hand.

Hope to see more of you soon.
Have lots of fun exploring the site!!

Hugs and kissess,
denuseri

Quote:

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Originally Posted by khulmz22

umm...ok so i just joined a couple days ago...

mainly i joined because i couple weeks ago after i described to my friends the kind of guy i was interested in, one who is in complete control of the relationship, he jokingly/seriously said i was into "bdsm."
before that i had never heard the term but for some reason it stuck and i decided to check it out online.

i have been reading how people knew they were a sub of not, and i found alot of stories about when people were kids. i dont really have any stories like that...

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Not everyone comes to this lifestyle by the same road. It doesn't matter... now that you're here, take whatever parts make you hot, leave the rest to others... or to learn more about later.

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a year ago in my self defense class the teacher told us a horror story of how a woman got raped in her house at knife point and for some reason when i left the class i began to regularly fantasize bout that. lookin back now, it seems terrible of me to fantasize about something awful like that.
does that mean anything besides me being seriously disturbed???

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Sorry to disappoint you but this is NOT the place to come if you want to be told something's wrong with ya. :blurp_ani

We may not be mainstream, but then... who really is. Mainstream is what people talk about in public... but not what they do at home. Kinsey, Masters and Johnson, et. al., have proved that to us.

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i never admitted that to anyone, nor the fact that i have fantasized about being takaen by multiple men. im not tryin to actually have that like happen in real life...like actually being raped by a random person on the street, but the fantasy of it....
there have been other "odd" fantasies, or situations i have enjoyed, but sexually ive never actually done anything interesting at all submissive or not beyond missionary! (lame i kno!)

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Then perhaps it's high time to give some of it a whirl!! :blurp_ani

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i dunno. any advice or insights would be appreciated. is there really no need for me to wonder if i am possibly submissive, or do i just want it rough...really rough??

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Could be either. With the right mentor, you can probably find out. ;)

first off I dont think you are the weirdo that a few years of repressed feeling have convinced you you are. I have poken to a few women who after a few drinks have adn=mited that forced sex or gang rape by unknown men excites them. Secondly most poeple who are in to BDSM Sadism, S&M etc will i guess be finding yheir feet for the rest of their lives, I know I will be, as this is not a life style you can openly discuss in the bar with your mates as you could a usuall relationship so dont be afraid of you feelings, thoughts or fantansies. And remember they are just that, fantasies, until YOU decide to make them real.

As you said you fantasise about rape, but being raped would be incredibly painful so dont go to the underground with this as a plan. but maybe meet with a man you could get to know and tryst and then experiance it as role play.

Hope this helps as I am a bit of a noobie my self.

lucy answered so well i've got little to add - just got a recommendation for a story:

Culture Shock by Sir_Nathan - you can google it. I think this is possibly exactly what you need to read right now. And i re-iterate - take it slow.

angela

I see you have already gotten some great advice. So i'll just add my two cents here. For me the most important element about a bdsm relationship is trust. Whatever you do, get to know the person you may want to experiment with before you let them take control. Do not just jump right into being tied up and used by someone that you can not trust to respect your hard lines.
Second is that knowledge is power. If you want to know more about this lifestyle then read, read, and read some more. There is a wealth of writing just in this site explaining the ins and outs of bdsm. Just talking to people will not tell you all that you need to know. There is more to learn than any one of us can remember to tell you in one sitting. Check out the forums and gain information before you being playing. This way you can get an idea of what your turn ons are and what your hard lines are(lines you will not cross) Trust me, you will read about things that you've never even heard of and therefore would not have known to tell someone you did or didn't want to do.
Okay well, i've rambled a bit, so i hope this all makes sense. Best of luck.

It has taken me a very long time to accept as truth and be able to say this but in no way are you abnormal. I am currently 64 and now relish and own up to my submissive needs and desires. Hopefully there is still time for me to fing a gentle, nurturing Dom to help me further my needs. But I urge you to be very careful. Even here are many wannabe doms wou can easily recognize by their instant commands before they even know you. Take care and be safe.

thank you all soooo much for your posts. they have really
helped and i will be definately be cautious, and continue to
check out the sites and read more...:-) thanks again!