Controlling premature ejeculation

This might sound stupid, especially coming from a guy my age (45), but I'm going to post it anyway just to generate some dialogue and see if anyone has an interesting suggestion.

I'll start by describing what led me to post this in the first place. Those of you who know me from prior postings know that I've had a cute little sub girlfriend for the past year and a half. We have vanilla sex a couple times a week, but only have every other weekend to get into serious play. And that gets interrupted often by work schedules etc. Friday night we had our first good long weekend in a while starting. I had a whole agenda planned and we went to a nice place for dinner, then to a bar we frequent for a couple of cocktails. We got home to hit the sheets around 11pm. I like to get her a little worked up first...and did so. Then, just as I was getting ready to "go to work", I fucked up and got off. I was pulling out at the last second and "BLAM" I saw that first spurt hit her stomach. All I could think was "God dammit!". What I had expected to be a 2 or 3 hours session turned into 20 minutes! Human physiology such as it is, I was out of commision for a while. By the time I was good to go again, she was sound asleep and I just didn't have the heart to wake her and say "Gee honey...I'm ready to fuck you again now so wake up!" That would have just been rude. I was really upset with myself because I had all kinds of plans and a bunch of new toys to play with. As it turned out, something else came up Saturday evening that basically made the whole weekend a wash as far as any good bdsm play. So as it happens...the new whip, giant dildoe and butt plug stay in the closet for another two weeks.

Now I think most guys reading this would agree that in your teens and early twenties you have a hard time even looking at a pussy without cumming. I know I did. When I hit my thirties I started to get the hang of things and actually began to take pride in my ability for self control. I got to where I was able to give a girl quite the little ride before allowing myself to orgasm.

Its just that with this girl I get so excited in the anticipation, that it becomes a real chore to try to control it. Most of the time things are fine...but I want it to be ALL the time. We've experimented with cockrings and other devices that have worked pretty well.

I'm just curious to know if anyone else here has ever run into this issue and what methods you've tried for better control. I welcome contributions from the ladies out there as well.

1. Condoms
2. Jerk off before a session
3. Oral/digital sex at the beginning of a session, so that by the end of the session you're ready to go again
4. Picture of gramma on headboard

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide

1. Picture of gramma on headboard

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Yikes. Make sure she's blindfolded (your girl, not gramma).

;)
Kallie

Now, I know I am a female so I may just be talking completely out of my ass here but perhaps it was the build of of anticipation. Looking forward to it so much and then, when it finally happens, it makes it all that much harder to "contain" yourself.

maybe i am being ignorant or i missed something, but why did everything have to stop just because you came? i would imagine that there would be plenty to occupy your time and keep you (and she) entertained until you were ready to go again...but like i said, maybe i missed something here...

~sp

:o i don't think you off the base here sweetplymate, at all - actualy that was the first thing that came to my mind... with many other options as to what to do with that mess on her stomach ... but ... well ... may be im out of line as well :D

I would have to agree. I'm sure you could've had some fun, but I know what you mean. First time my man and I had sex, he didn't make it all the way in before he came (if I don't have sex once a week I get real tight, and it was a while since he had sex). Masturbating before we played worked well, just leave yourself enough time to get it back up :)

You guys are absolutely right...I like getting a female perspective on this. Believe it or not, it helps! That's one of the reasons I visit this site everyday!

And yes, it has gone that way at times in the past. It's just that on that particular night I was really in to keeping my myself in a high state of arousal for the duration of the session...I think I just got so annoyed with myself that my mental state came when I did! I was mad at myself!

I guess it's just the dynamics of individual relationships... I have no problems playing for hours without getting off myself. Whatever I am doing to her...pinching, whipping, abusing...most of the thrill for me comes from seeing her get off on it. At the same time, she feels somehow "cheated" and gets upset if I don't cum. If I don't at some point, I feel like I let her down.

I get so caught up in making her cum that sometimes I forget about myself. Does that make me weird?

But in the end I like the "jerk off earlier" idea. (Although it would be hard to do it more than I already do without growing an extra arm!) But I will give it a shot next session.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MrJerseyGuy

I get so caught up in making her cum that sometimes I forget about myself. Does that make me weird?

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Not weird, just focused. Nothing wrong with that.

Barton

Hi, just a suggestion that worked for me when i had the same kind of problem, too much anticipation!!! Its based around the jerk off idea but what you do is, (and it takes a couple of practice tries) jerk off a little a couple of hours before you are liable to be doing anything but stop just at the start of your build up to orgasm so that the result is you just leak a little semen but dont actually experience a full orgasm or ejacualtion, just a mini kind of start of one, then you dont have the turnaround time to worry about, and it "lets the pressure off" if you like, this proved spectacularly successful and really sets you up for a good session a little later, worked for me anyway!!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by loonytunes

Hi, just a suggestion that worked for me ...jerk off a little

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As always, I appreciate the response as well as the advice. But I gotta tell ya loonytunes, I kind of scratched my head at first when I read "jerk off a little!" As best I can figure I've been doing it for about 33 years now...but I'll be damned if I ever thought of just doing it "a little"!

When I read the rest though I got the idea. I'll check it out and thanks!

LOL
Ace reply...but hey it works, and if it leads to a fulfilling time for you and your sub, go for it............ only a little though :p

Very interesting suggestion, loonytunes. I use that technique quite a bit, but it has the opposite effect on me! It makes me more sensitive and quicker to re-arouse. It also doubles the size of my load when I finally do cum. This is one of the tricks porn stars use to increase the volume they shoot.

Well, I can say from experience that it is not necessarily all an issue with your control. A few years back the doc put me on some crap that totally fucked up my control. Seemed like it only took a stiff breeze to set me off.

So, you might want to examine if anything in your life is chemically different that might be affecting you.

One thing that I found exceptionally helpful when i was younger was a book called "ESO, The One Hour Orgasm" It spelled out some things that probably would have taken me years to learn without some kind of guidance. After reading it, and ummm "taking the lesson in hand" for a while. I probably tripled the time it took for me to achieve orgasm, and in those times I slipped, was able to control it enough that I never fully de-tumesce so am able to continue.

Well worth checking out even if you already have good control

Okay, I may be taking this thread off-topic with this, so if MrJerseyGuy requests it, I'll start another thread.

Something Kalluss said about de-tumescing(sp?) suddenly made me think. (Yes, I somehow made it through my first 44 years without thinking.) Instead of being concerned about premature ejaculation, why don't you just shrug and keep on pumping? At my age (which is approximately yours), if I go soft it takes either hours or an act of Congress to get me up again. BUT, it takes a good five minutes to soften (de-tumesce), and if I maintain the stimulation, it never goes soft. Granted, this is masturbation, not sex, but wouldn't the principal be the same?

Guess I should not try to use pertty ten dollar words... yes I mean not go soft. Usually if I slip, I can just give a squirt and hold most of it back, and continue after a moment.

One thing that some men never learn is that when you "Clench up" ... it's like stepping on the accellerator... it makes you feel great, but it speeds you toward orgasm. Men need to learn about the brakes... which is another sensation... like bearing down like you have to take a dump.
If you exercise your PC muscles, you need to strengthen them in both ways to ensure good control