looking for r/t exploration

How do you find someone safe to explore with if you are not looking for a full-time relationship? It seems like a lot of people posting here are in some form of ongoing, committed relationship outside of - or entirely encompassing - the D/s side of their lives, and my life just doesn't have room for that right now. By safe I mean not just someone who won't kill me or abuse me, but someone who is willing to explore the emotions that go along with submission. In a way it seems kind of nervy to say that I am looking for emotional support in a D/s context but not really for the rest of my life, but I had an encounter recently where that was missing and it was really frightening for me - the intensity of my emotions, not the man. He was fine.

Patience. Persistence. Diligence. Patience. Time. Effort. Did I mention patience?

Seriously, post a personal ad. Be clear about what you're looking for.

Expect to get a lot of responses from people who clearly don't understand or care what you're looking for. Weed through them carefully to find those who do.

Ultimately, you will find someone who meets what you're looking for.

One thing I frequently observe with those new to the lifestyle is that they seem to be under the impression that lifestyle relationships are completely different from relationships in general. And I really think this misconception makes the whole thing seem far more complicated than it really is. The more experience I gain with the lifestyle, the more I come to understand that relationships are relationships. D/s relationships are simply relationships with a few more dimensions, a few more bells and whistles if you will. BDSM is NOT a competition. There is no magic level that makes a D/s relationship real or not real. No relationship is easy and a BDSM relationships do contain a few additional challenges all their own. Making those challenges more difficult by placing yourself into a relationship you can not handle, is not a very smart idea. Just be honest with yourself and others about what you want in a relationship and what you can handle. But, do not rule out growth and change as time goes on. If you know how to do a relationship, then you can do a D/s relationship. The main point behind BDSM is for those involved to be satisfied and happy overall with their relationship's dynamics. So if your life is such that TPE is not something you can manage or perhaps even want, just be honest with those you talk with that you think you might be interested in exploring things with and let them know exactly what degree of involvement and commitment you feel you can handle. I do think BDSM is best done from the perspective of a relationship, but those relationships can take on a myriad of different faces and levels of commitment. Some people only have the time for casual play relationships and there are both dominants and submissives out there looking for those. Others want and need a greater degree of involvement and commitment and there are others looking for those same things as well. So I say meet people involved in the lifestyle, talk and explore the options and opportunities available. I think this works regardless of whether your looking for r/t or online involvement.

I couldnt have said it better myself In2Kink.