Oooooooohhh!!!!! Yes!!!!!!

I read a story on this site the other day which was, in my opinion, good and I enjoyed it. A piece of the dialog, however, read, “Aaarrrrgh!!!” I would never rate a story down because of this, and I certainly wouldn’t stop reading it either, but I just can’t help be feeling that extra letters and multiple exclamation marks don’t add extra impact. I've actually seen some where I felt as if my eyes were travelling halfway across the screen before getting to the end of the dialog.

“Ooooooooooohh!!!! Aaaaaaaaarrrrhhhhhhh!!! Mmmmmmmmm!!!”

What do you think?

Alex

I think that ... “Ooooooooooohh!!!! Aaaaaaaaarrrrhhhhhhh!!! Mmmmmmmmm!!!” .. gives a far greater indication of what is happening than "Oh! Ah! and Mm!"

My rule is that if Word flags it as a spelling mistake, I've put in too many letters/exclamation marks. Since Word says that to anything longer than two letters, I turn to other ways of expressing just what sound he/she is making.
LD

It's all about context; it would be completely inappropriate to detail a scene wherein someone was having a screaming orgasm and type "Mm, Ah"...but, equally, the extended versions could start to become somewhat slapstick and a bit like a panto. *looks at LD* - Your editor - she's BEHIND YOU!! ( Ohhh no she isn't!! - LOL) :D

sl

Simply to a find and replace for any 3 letters like

ooo change to oh

That is what I do with scat storys or F/m storys
The old find and replace works every time

Shit to cum, brown to white poo to cum etc

no more scat and that is a fact

I agree that there's a need to express deeper feelings with something more than simple "ooohs!" and "aaahs!" but, if I used Microsoft Word as my sole editing tool, I'd have long since given up writing entirely. Word is about as stodgy as a 200-year old Republican - even after I appended its dictionary with all the words needed to write for BDSM. (Interesting that “fuck” wasn’t rejected as an error but “pantymonster” was. And I won’t even try to get into the “wet” words…) Worse, I’ve gotten into endless loops where Word tells me to do something, I do it and Word tells me to do the original thing again to correct “my” error.

What I gotten into doing is [Note: Word just told me to replace ‘is’ with ‘am’ in this sentence. I should trust Word? Shit!] writing a larger amount of descriptive text rather than subject the speaker to questionable dialog. The upshot is that my stories are getting longer and will soon become too long for the title of “short stories” but my characters are starting to ‘sound’ more in the reader’s mind than on the written page.

That said, is it stupid to use “LOL!” in a story or is it commonly accepted as an acronym for generally or even universally understood vernacular? Just asking… :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by slavelucy

It's all about context; it would be completely inappropriate to detail a scene wherein someone was having a screaming orgasm and type "Mm, Ah"...but, equally, the extended versions could start to become somewhat slapstick and a bit like a panto. *looks at LD* - Your editor - she's BEHIND YOU!! ( Ohhh no she isn't!! - LOL) :D

sl

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by LaJan

I agree that there's a need to express deeper feelings with something more than simple "ooohs!" and "aaahs!" but, if I used Microsoft Word as my sole editing tool, I'd have long since given up writing entirely.

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*smiles* Agreed. i think 'Ooohs and aaaahs' have their place, despite not being accepted by word (although i think they have to be handled with care). Having said that, Word isn't LD's only editing tool, myself and redEva are.

Oh...and if i ever saw 'LOL' used in a story, in any context other than the description of an email (or similar) received or sent by a charcter, i'd stop reading it.

sl

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It's all about context;...

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Yes, perhaps it’s just less acceptable in more ‘formal’ styles of writing.


“AAAaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhh!’

Or,

He let out a long slow agonising sigh.

The former, to me, sounds like something I would read in a Batman comic (not that I would read one of course --much). On the other hand, when did you ever read about a superhero ‘'letting out a long slow agonising sigh’?

I think the problem I have with these 'oooohhs', and 'aarrgghs', is to me they feel kind of light --a little like the old 'showing rather than telling'. Or, can a good author use and manipulate them be as exciting to read as when they are heard?

As for *lol*, well I guess it’s just ‘chat’ jargon, on line it’s often just so easy to be misunderstood. The other day, I was chatting with a dom about titles such as Sir and Master. He said, and I agreed, it wouldn’t matter what people called him, he’s still the same person. So, feeling silly, I called him a ‘fat ugly bastard’. He wasn’t amused. I guess I should have added lots of *lol*. :)

Alex.

"Oooohh" is not the same as "Oh", and "Ahhhh" is not the same as "Ah".

I think that there's a place for prolonged vowel sounds, but when you get to exclamations that go on for fiteen and twenty letters, then you've gone off the deep end and it just looks silly.

Similarly for exclamation points. I can see the need for maybe three exclamation points for a loud scream, but going beyond that makes you look like a rank amateur.

---dr.M.

Microsoft Word is a good tool;. However, one needs to keep in mind that it is just that, a tool.
Tools are good. Humans wouldn't have gotten where they are without tools However, one also needs to know when to put the tool down and go with the flow. Take it from me, I write a LOT. Not so much BDSM, although I do have a few of those up on adultfanfiction.net. (Mostly X-Men fanfiction; I have 20 books on fanfiction.net under the pen name Jaenelle Angelline.)
Microsoft word can get extremely anal about words in a different language; as someone who created an entirely new language for a fantasy book I'm writing, Microsoft Word is a pain in the you-know-where.
My basic rule of thumb when I'm writing BDSM (I have one story where two guys are giving a girl an initiation whipping) is that if the girl is screaming, instead of writing,
"Aaaagggghhhh",
I'll write,
"She gave off a high-pitched cry, which started out low and got gradually louder in volume until her Master slapped a gag on her..."
Which, to my way of thinking, is much more descriptive than the long string of vowels and consonants. Some writers do use onomatopoeia because that's their thing, that's they way they write, but my eyes usually tend to skip over it and continue to the story. (Onomatopoeia, by the way, is what this particular literary device is called.) It's not as if most people who read don't have enough imagination to imagine a girl screaming openmouthed as a whip blisters her ass... :)

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Originally Posted by jaeangel

Some writers do use onomatopoeia because that's their thing, that's they way they write, but my eyes usually tend to skip over it and continue to the story. (Onomatopoeia, by the way, is what this particular literary device is called.) It's not as if most people who read don't have enough imagination to imagine a girl screaming openmouthed as a whip blisters her ass... :)

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Onomatopoeia has pro's and cons; when used in the sense of expressing sound, i agree, it can be completely overused and fail to achieve it's objective. As a literary device, it is however often used much more subtely, to great affect. Many of the best (IMHO :D) English poets made the use of onomatopoeia into an art form, using it to express literary freedom following Neo-Classicism.

There's a thread on onomatopoeia, if you're interested, it's here:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1104

:)

sl

Regarding too many letters.

We are all individuals and choose different ways to express ourselves. Also some of us have far better ability to express ourselves than others.

My opinion for what its worth, see below, is that if more than a couple of duplications are required it would be better to find a more concise way of expressing your emotion. Trying to express emotion is where i find duplicate lettere the most.

As i said that is just my opioion, after all opinions are like assholes, everyone has got one.

Hello bisubjohn,

And welcome to the 'familiy'. You know what I'm thinking might be fun? Two swats of my favourite paddle, on your cute little ass, for every single typo you make. Please, I'm just kidding.

Yes, you are right, everyone expresses themselved differently, and that's something I've certainly given some thought to since posting this thread.

Oh, and jucy, that thread on onomatopoeia is simply brilliant! Who posted that anyway! Oh, that's right - it was me. :p Again, just kidding.

Alex.

Authors should have the choice of onomatopea or descriptions. It is all up to them.

Two caveats - an overlong onomatopea, spanning more than one typescript line, will ruin any page setting; in that case I often 'slash' them to tinier bits, allowing the word processor to do its thing. And interrogation or exclamation marks should NEVER extend beyond three. (in fact I also have a rule they should come either alone or in threes - never in pairs. But that's me.)

I like the fact that BDSM readers are very much into those stylistic debates. When I read the 'ten' mark explanation in the 'review the story' submenu, I always get mad - 'is almost as good as a published story'. How preposterous... Most stories on this site are WAY better than the thin pablum found in scruffy bookstores.

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Originally Posted by Alex Bragi

Oh, and jucy, that thread on onomatopoeia is simply brilliant!

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LOL!!

It is brilliant Ms Bragi, nearly as impressive as your modesty! :D (again...just kidding!).

sl

[QUOTE=jaeangel]Microsoft Word is a good tool;. However, one needs to keep in mind that it is just that, a tool.

My basic rule of thumb when I'm writing BDSM (I have one story where two guys are giving a girl an initiation whipping) is that if the girl is screaming, instead of writing,
"Aaaagggghhhh",
I'll write,
"She gave off a high-pitched cry, which started out low and got gradually louder in volume until her Master slapped a gag on her..."
QUOTE]

I don't use any of the Microsoft tools. Grammar and spell checkers might locate the most egregious errors in a passage, but they set the bar much too low. Rather like buying a car because none of the tires is flat.

As far as the screams go, the "first edition" of Jade Pavilion II had very, very few. I, too, had the thought that they were comic-bookish. But a friendly critic told me that the lack of 'sound effects' was a flaw in my otherwise vivid "thrill scenes" -- at least as far as he was concerned. And, after some discussion, and after giving it some thought, he convinced me. So much so that the current version features a lot of CRACCKKK!'s and "Aaghhs" and the occasional "AAURRGGHH!!" and so on, and I have come to believe that they do enhance the excitement of a scene. It should be remembered too, that cries of pain and screams do vary in both length and volume.

Like all effects, this sort of thing can be overdone. We've all seen passages like:

"Oooooooohhhhhhhhhhh. Goddddddddddddd you're killlllllllllinggggggg meeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!"

Personally, I think that the extended pronunciations and exclamation marks are more natural to non-verbal outbursts.

Boccaccio