Parents and children in DOM/sub role
I am thinking... D/s relationship is not only limited to lovers, i am thinking about parents and kids - initially parents are the dominant, they control the children, later on when these kids grow up, they try to build their own world, they want to be dominant - not only outside their house but also inside their house, but now what about the DOM parents - what if they are not willing to go sub, how will it work out? should they knowingly switch the roles? how many parents realise this?
The need to unplug and get out more!
Quote:
Originally Posted by
ReqSpec
I am thinking... D/s relationship is not only limited to lovers, i am thinking about parents and kids
My alpha just sent me her response to this post for my approval, so I thought I’d come see for myself. And, frankly, I am struggling to be polite!
That is, I hasten to add, no reflection on anyone who has posted an opinion here. What saddens me is that this entire topic is actually based on a fairly accurate description of how many people choose to bring up their kids. For many people, parenting is a power-struggle — a struggle to achieve and maintain dominance over their offspring in a battle for control.
And that is just such a fucked-up philosophy it makes me want to spit blood! And I do not mean my own blood! Forget cultural & religious differences. Forget about philosophy, morality and everything else metaphysical. As a parenting strategy, thinking D/s is wrong simply because it does not work! Unless, of course, one’s definition of success is to add yet another batch of fucked-up people to an already fucked-up world!
Having watched my first-born son die in front of me, I know children for what they are — a gift of evolution given to enrich our lives and perpetuate our genes. They are not born slaves, under contract until they reach the age of majority. They are not our possessions to do with as we please. They are new people — strangers on a foreign shore. Childhood is a relatively modern concept. I think our ancestors had it right. Children are individuals in their own right who simply have the misfortune of needing to wait a couple of decades to acquire the mental & physical tools they need to express their adult individuality.
Until then, they are in our care. As parents, we are their guardians, charged by Nature with a duty to watch over and protect them until they can fend for themselves and hopefully have children of their own. It’s not about ruling and/or moulding them to our liking. It's about helping them to grow and become the best person they can be — their OWN person! It’s about being their mentor and life-guide — about saying, not “do this or else”, but rather saying: “these are the options and my recommendations, but it’s your life so choose, knowing you’ll have to live with the consequences of your decision!”
There is no D/s dynamic involved in that — no power struggle or battle for dominance and control. Let’s face it, ultimately we are all subject to the will of the Universe whether we like it or not. Teach that lesson to your children and Life will take care of the rest. As parents, we just have to be there for our kids to make sure they survive the learning experience.
I have two living children I can admit to, by the way. Both are now grown-up (officially anyway) but I brought them up mostly as a lone-parent. In other words, I’ve been up feeding them in the middle of the night, I have cleaned up their shit, dried their tears, nursed them through illness and a lot more besides. My reward is to see them as they are now — two people of whom I can be proud because they have every reason to be proud of themselves!
A final thought — parenting is about raising children to be capable of living without us in the hope that they choose not to.
PS: Sorry, alpha, but you know me. St Jude ialways was my patron saint. you can speak now.
as i wanted to say last night (but needed permission first)...
i think trying to make children into some D/s dynamic is a recipe for disaster and mental/emotional problems. i understand that it is essentially a traditional way of raising children (with different words) but i think that sort of thing keeps therapists in business.
in dealing with helping to raise my Owner's kids i've tried very hard to be equals with them- people equal in value but not in experience or in responsibility. that didnt make me a push over or their buddy or someone who wouldnt step up and make the hard choices. quite the opposite really. i took the position that i am here to help teach them from my own experience in life, with the goal of helping them have the happiest, healthiest life of their choosing. helping them however i can to their happiness and wellbeing is my responsibility and one of the most important things in my life..very few other people in life will want the best for them with no ulterior motives of their own... therefore listening to me is self interest on their part. no enforcement necessary. they listened to me because i so obviously cared and was NOT trying to force them into my own picture of them. it's been anything healthy that you want to do is fine.. and i'll fight you to the mat if you're trying to hurt yourself somehow... because i love you and its my job to protect you, even from you.
and im pretty sure ive said similar things directly to them.
and they dont always listen. but there is no need to do anything to enforce "obediance" or some such.. because they kick themselves for Us when they get to the end of insisting on going their own way, against Our advice, and then see that yet again We were right. and they say themselves "when will I learn to listen to you guys?"..(soon i hope- listen first and skip the need to kick yourself later)
this eliminates the problem of the dominant party needing to find a way to cope with no longer enforcing Dominance.. because that problem doesnt exsist if the children arent being Dominated and controlled. this way they simply grow up into equals who have gained life experience and we can all help each other now. if one of them someday knows better how to do something than i do then i will be glad to take their advice or help with it, the same as they took mine when they didnt know.
and by the way its hard to rebell when there's no force being applied. (they managed a bit but not much *smile* they had to get resourceful *L*).
guidance and advice seems to have worked out just fine. once in a very very great while they were directly overruled and told what they would be doing but it was so extremely rare that they listened because the rarity underlined that it was something crucial, not an ego trip. that We said this has to be because it really did have to be.
theyre both great people and now that theyre grown up, instead of the usual 'cant wait to escape home and my parents' control' type of thing, i think that we'll always be close. i hope that they'll always be comfortable turning to Us for help (as theyre not made subservient by asking), and that they'll actually want Us in their life unlike so many families where the kids get out at adulthood and try never to come back until theyre trapped into it for a holiday or something.
so far so good. We may have to pry them out of the house with a crowbar actually *L*
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(thankYou Owner. it was hard to keep my mouth shut on that one *smile**kiss*)
(*just musing a little further and waiting for Owner for any discussion on my part*)
thinking about it, in an over veiw i guess its rather having one way for all the family, regardless of age: we are all human with seasons of vaulnerability, so those who know best protect and guide those who do not and there is no conflict, lessening, force, or shame in accepting it. its what family is here for.
so the children listen to the adults while they grow up and learn and the adults listen to the grown up children when We get too old and senile to think for ourselves anymore.. and neither is humbled for doing so.