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Hi
I would like to hear from you if you were once a good girl/boy, but have now been corrupted (Dom(me) or sub). What was it that changed , and are you happy with the result?
In particular, I would like to know how your fantasies have changed (if at all), and are you now more willing to realise them?
Anything you want to tell, in fact.
Thanks
TYWD
you mean gone from vanilla to Dom/sub? or something different.
I never really was vanilla. I always knew that something was "missing" so to speak from my vanilla relationships and this was it.
Gone bad and corrupted.. naah not really. I was like this all my life pretty much.
The one thing that changed was that I know what I like more now than I used to and perhaps more "extreme" if that is the right word. I am further out on the scale now than I used to but extreme? Bah not finding a word that fits really.
Good boy gone bad? I am with Logic here, I was always a Dom. My fantasies have always involved control. I guess that makes me uncorrupted by my understanding of your question.
Yes, from vanilla to D/s, SM or whatever. Was there a "tipping point"? And how have things changed as a result?
Thanks, Logic1. I'm not sure if there is a "right" word for what you are describing - "radical", maybe? Anyway, I think I understand what you mean.
TYWD
I think that what needs to happen is if you find somebody that IS a Dom or a sub and you start a relationship with that person you might do some form of transition on the "line" but not everybody can change that much. I think you are pretty much born or "conditioned" to it from your upbringing.
I never really was vanilla as well. I remember a time when my sex-life was pretty vanilla (and yes, only pretty -- I always had a tendency to pick at least apparently dominant men) but it always felt like something was missing, or more accurately I couldn't understand what the fuss was all about because sex, really not such a big thing -- the best part about it was to see that I had managed to pleasure my partner. Go figure. :)
My fantasies have changed, though. Not so much as far as the core of dominance and submission is concerned, but I'd say they've become more realistic and less fantasy-like (no more being abducted by bandits and ending up in the middle of a forest in a, errm, compromising situation). Am I more willing to realise my fantasies? I don't think anything in the willingness has changed (I mean, there are fantasies that are just that, and which we wouldn't want to experience in reality anyway) because I was always pretty willing to experiment. Nowadays, I'm more likely to live them out because I understand them better, though. And yes, I'm on the more 'extreme' page too...which maybe simply comes from the fact that you can't know before you tried :)
There was a turning point for me, although I can't quite put my finger on it. It was just this huge aha-effect and watching all the pieces fall into place and suddenly make sense. The want I always had had gotten a name, if that makes sense. And, honestly, I'm very happy with the result. :)
What I am really looking for is a description of the experiences and realisations of people who did not know they had D/s tendencies, or suppressed them, after it dawned on them that they were this way inclined, or who were drawn into it somehow.
Polaris: "No more being abducted by bandits ... " Can you explain a little more what has replaced this type of fantasy?
TYWD
Oh, umm, I'll try. :) The point I was trying to make is that the fantasies have moved from the 'fantasy realm' into the 'reality realm'. Today, a fantasy is more likely to be reflecting (and possibly) elaborating on an actual scene...or fantasising about something that I would like to try but haven't done yet...or putting together different pieces to create something new. Fantasies today are more likely to involve specific persons, as opposed to the powerful, dominant strangers.Quote:
Polaris: "No more being abducted by bandits ... " Can you explain a little more what has replaced this type of fantasy?
Come to think about it, my fantasies today have much less of a "force" element and more of a "consensual" touch than they used to have. This is maybe because I am much more at ease with what I am now than I used to be -- and know myself much better. Like, you don't need to have a bandit tie you down forcefully if you can admit you WANT somebody to tie you down force- but playfully. Wanting to be dominated is not exactly what society tells modern, emancipated women to want...so there's some potential struggle in that. I went on a tangent, didn't I? Hope that makes some sense :)
Thank-you :-)
TYWD - this is me - I'm going to take the rest of the day to think about my response, but I will respond.Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisYouWillDo
Oh, no, she's thinking! :)
jeanne
This is definitely bad. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by his_j
I always noticed my submissive tendencies, the earliest I can remember is from 7th grade, and someone giving a book report in class and there was some kind of bondage in it and I remember getting excited and wanting to read the book right away...lol, now 6 years later, I wouldnt say Im corrupted, but Ive definitely had the great influence of a certain individual to turn me into what I am today, and I feel pretty lucky sometimes to have discovered the kind of lifestyle I want to live at such a young age, as for the fantasies, the darker the better atleast to me :)
I'm hoping it'll be good!Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhabbi
I personally don't think there was anything was like flipping a switch and one day saying OK I am now different. I do, however, believe sites like this one allows for one's true personality to show through.
Maybe not - in which case my question is redundant. But I wonder if, for some people, the realisation, or the acceptance, of their true/dark/what-you-will nature did happen in an instant. And it is their "before" and "after" perceptions I am interested in.
TYWD
I always suppressed my submissive inclinations. My submissiveness would rear it's head every few years and I would beat it into....well, submission. :) Lock it up, hope it would go away.Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisYouWillDo
A few years ago I made some major changes in my life. One of the results of those changes was that I began to embrace my sexuality. About a year ago, I was at the used book store (one of my favorite places to spend an hour or two) and found the erotica section. There was a book there: Master/Slave. I stood in the aisle of that store, reading and dripping wet. At that moment, I finally accepted that I am submissive.
I have found that I no longer have "rape" fantasies. D/s fantasies have replaced them all.Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisYouWillDo
I have always been submissive, although I had never really understood it. It was the kinky side of myself that was always suppressed.
It was around the time when I was going through some major life changes, I began to crave the feelings of being submissive and started to figure out why I felt that way. It was by chance I discovered BDSM, and D/s. I began to experiment with my kinky side, and discovered it was more fun to incorporate it with a D/s dynamic.
I am still learning about D/s and being submissive. I can understand myself and why I tick a lot better now.
As for fantasies, mine are still the same, sometimes they can be a bit more pervy now.
Thank you, everyone. I think - for most people - it's inate. For me, and I think for some of you, there is a dividing line of sorts between when you were vanilla and your discovery of D/s, although I also see that, for others, they recognised it very early and did not have to suppress it in order to cope with the rest of the world's "morality".
I wonder how many more of us there are out there who have not discovered themselves, or who are suppressing it.
To be honest, I think that there are a whole lot of people who suppress their dominant/submissive feelings. It seems to me that most people have a certain tendency to go into the one or other direction, and experimenting with things like blindfolds or handcuffs is not exactly the epitome of kinkiness these days...I mean, it must come from somewhere, right?
Take my flatmate, for example. We really get on well, and she apparently thinks that she can talk to me about her sexlife (I'm not to keen on the details to be honest)...anyway, one day she starts out how she likes it a bit 'rougher', and begins to complain how her wimp of a boyfriend (her words, not mine) refuses to spank her while they're having sex. And there are many like her...also vice versa, I know a couple of man who insist that they are "sexually (very) dominant" (which always makes me smile a little and ask: "Oh really? How dominant is very dominant?" :rolleyes: ) There seems to be a gender tendency...females tend to be more submissive whereas males tend to be more dominant (which isn't too surprising if you look at the stereotypical gender roles).
I am still sure that my ex definitely was dominant somewhere deep down -- and no, I don't think it was just my wishful thinking. He insisted that he was totally vanilla, and that BDSM in any form was nothing he'd ever do -- and I believe that this is what he thought. However, he did quite a few domly things...and enjoyed them too. And boy, did he react when I acted submissively.
I really find it quite interesting...sometimes you meet people and think instantly that they are submissive or dominant -- although at least on the surface they really aren't. It's fascinating, really...but I've rambled enough now :)
You have reminded me of someone I know. She was a very strong-willed, no-nonsense kind og girl. Friendly and understanding when you knew her, but you also knew not to cross her in any way, or face the wrath of Hades. She had a husband, two kids and a menagierie of pets. Then one day she got a new boyfriend who introduced her to D/s ... and she's now a (feisty) sub!
I'm not sure what this proves, but you brought it to mind!
TYWD
I think the stories here can take some credit for forever awakening me from vanilla life.
i had no idea...honestly i thought there was something wrong with me..at the time i had no idea of the lifestyle or anything. i just knew that my sex life was not what i wanted. I just didn't understand how i was feeling. it's funny looking back.. i must have tried a million different ways to misbehave so that he would get mad and punish me...so he would take me how i wanted. Then my friends mom opened a small bdsm club and her and i went for the opening...talk about an eye opener *laughing in remembering* i was caught hook, line and sinker. LOl i knew this was what i had been missing.Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisYouWillDo
let me write this up, i can crib part of this from my subTEXTual journal... this is what happened to me this spring, it was meeting the right person at the right time, and now... this young lady KNOWS she is a sub... i will write it up off line and cut and paste, mmmmkay?
i dunno if i was ever a "good" girl. i was playing the what can i put in there game as long as i can remember, even as a small child. i lost my virginity at 14. i've been married twice & had affairs both times. i've always been unfulfilled sexually, always wanting more but not sure more what. i got around during what i refer to as "the ho days" but something was always missing. i knew of bondage & of s&m but had no great interest in it. i've been tied up...at the time i didnt care for it. Been spanked...didnt care for that either. Something was still missing. my Man & i have been together nearly 4 years but only recently have i realized my submissive side. i knew nothing of D/s. i remember the 1st time He bit me on the back of the neck & my knees literally collapsed beneath me. He compared it to a lion controlling his female. Had i ever been bitten on the back of the neck before? Of course, but it never moved me. Now the more my Man dominates me, the more i want to submit. i want to serve Him, please Him in ways neither of us have ever experienced before. So i completely agree w/ subtlenewbie, for me it was all about meeting the right person. For the first time in my life, i am fulfilled. i am a sub.
I love the bite in the back or side of the neck right by your shoulder...total turn on...*grins*Quote:
Originally Posted by newby
Yes, please, please do write it up for me.
TYWD
Quote:
Originally Posted by ThisYouWillDo
and I will....i am just finding time to write anything down, because i have been "tied up" all weekend...
LOL
NP - But waiting with eager anticipation