OH MY DEAN!! You really do make your stories real, so real I can almost smell that bar!
Loved the twist at the end - I honestly did not not see that one coming!
A gritty, ugly, messy story -- but a great one too.
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OH MY DEAN!! You really do make your stories real, so real I can almost smell that bar!
Loved the twist at the end - I honestly did not not see that one coming!
A gritty, ugly, messy story -- but a great one too.
I had a moment of brief inspiration.
Oh, Dean - that is horrible and excellent. And funny!
Wow...................... :0
That's what happens when I have ten minutes to kill and a song in my head at 3 AM or whatever time it was.Quote:
Originally Posted by moptop
One should wear a biohazard suit for this read! Dang, that was nasty.
You made the story so real that I had to go shower after I read it, just to get the smell of that bar off me.
Brief inspiration works really well for you, Mr. Dean.
:wave:
Dirty to the core mister, you really know how to work inspiration at 3am dont ya?
I guess three in the morning is a good time for me.
Thanks for all the positive comments.
My, what a gritty, graphic story H Dean, i love the realistic way you wrote it.
The bar scene reminded me of the paintings by the American artist Edward Hopper. Thanks for sharing, and good luck in the compitition.
I dunno who Edward Hopper is, but I thank you for the compliment. I just hope it gets as many chuckles for the reader as I got when I thought of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by lizeskimo
Dearest, H Dean
Holy crap, man! You are a fucking fuck.
How can I comment better than anyone else about the stench of this...soiled offering?
Looking at a pocket watch that was playing music no one could hear, the watching of the tv that did not work cept unexpectedly...this was the foreshadowing that made me actually see there would be a twist, but I did not get what it was exactly...I was waiting for something more horrible, given the source...awww, how cute they are married....I knew part, because you had tipped me off I knew something of the end...but I did not see the romance coming!
Awww, and he brought her a present.
Did you intend to throw this in--suddenly watching the tv that usually doesn't work-- as foreshadowing/metaphor for the idea of spicing up a lifeless marriage, the sub twist...? The watch no one heard for an unusual, offbeat, occurance--a staged random bathroom fuck in this case--the feeling of bdsm meaning marching to a different drummer?
Those two part seemed disjointed, and for me the pocket watch and tv were very creepy. Little delicious disorientation...
Does this make any sense to you Dean?
Heh nice early entry for Sept, we will have to wait to see how you do. good job!
There were no metaphors except for the burning ring of fire he gave her. It was mostly just my sense of humor and my penchant for setting up the obvious and then removing it. I set up the juke, the watch and the tv to be the obvious places for the song to be played. Then I did a switcheroo and gave them VD. That was also my sense of humor coming through.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beswitchingly Positive
Thanks, doll, I had fun writing it - made me laugh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Widget
Dean, sometimes my cats barf and leave it right behind the computer.
Then a day or two later I move the computer and find the cold hard pile of vomit sticking it to the desk.
I am impressed that you managed to conjure up that feeling for me from just a Johnny Cash song!
You rule, man.
Clevernick, I am ever so grateful to have read that comment. Nothing has made me feel more successful as a writer. Thanks.
My pleasure, Dean!
It was indeed a compliment.
Ok, EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! :28:
STD's and cat puke?!!? And you guys consider that complimentary and in good humor??
It sure explains the "ewww" I got for giving a random hug. :rolleyes:
~wanders off muttering about icky boys~
What can I say, Tess...we are what we are. Also, men can wrestle and not get mad at each other the girls will. Another thing, we can get into a fight and then become best friends.
We just have superior wiring.
well done as usual You clever Man You. and i did appreciate the change of pace from Your long stories. Also, i think it does Your strange brain good to go off on a tangent every so often. keep it up, Your number one :cheerlead
Thanks, Blu. It was a fun little bit of writing. I might try it a bit more often.
Your "superior wiring" notwithstanding...Quote:
Originally Posted by H Dean
Well, that's about all I have to say about that teensy-tinesy subject.
:wave:
Chicks just don't get it.
Exactly, Dean. They just don't get this male bondage thing.
But Family Guy does. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBQ8YhAMCe4
Oops, I mean bonding.
Or do I? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPo_ErMv_24
Cartoon porn rocks, man!
*makes a diary note to never meet Mr H Dean at 3am*
That was quite horrible. Shuddering and not fancying the rest of this coffee...
cariad
It was horrible, wasn't it? Then again, most of my stories are sort of horrible.Quote:
Originally Posted by cariad
Nasty story, but thinking of Clevernick's "male bondage" comment, I wonder what it had looked like had it centered on two men - one Dominant and one weaker, half-willing submissive guy, who is forced down and used...
Even grittier, right?
Louise, darling, your preferences are showing. Mmm. ~smiles~Quote:
Originally Posted by gagged_Louise
That Family Guy stuff is hysterical! Never seen any of it, but HA! Thanks, Clevernick!