Using a Dominatrix or a Professional Dominant

This is a thread for people who use or may wish to use the services of a professional in D&s, B&D and S&M.

I plan to share my experiences with 11 professionals over the past 10 years.

It should discuss:

Why use one.
How to locate one.
How to interview so you are comfortable with the person offering services.
The role of the larger studio with many Mistresses.
The individual professional.
How to get the most from your session.
The bond of trust that must be built for maximum fun.
The middle age crazies that led me to seek a professional.

I know that many of the posters on this forum are lifestyle people who have some frequent contact with another who is into BDSM. This thread will seam strange to you but I think there are some circumstances where you might benefit from the services of a professional.

Session 1 Three Hours - November 3, 1994

I arrived at 7:30, as the session was delayed by an injury to a friend of the mistress. I was concerned that she would be distracted by that an unable to be effective. I had also told myself not to expect to much as fantasy is always better than reality. Wrong on both.

I had been proud of my personnel collection of gear but was overwhelmed by, the physical presence of Mistress Amada, her fantastic rooms and collections of equipment. I was intimidated but still ready for a session. The mistress required that I wear my most demanding cock sheath while waiting for her to begin. She came in a leather dress and thigh high leather boots with high heels. I regret that I did not fully
appreciate her apparel for the session. She immediately satisfied one life long fantasy by putting me in a single glove and bucked the shoulder straps. As an extra touch she belted my wrists for extra restraint.

The mistress next removed my cock sheath and found me wet. She very sensibly placed a condom on to prevent dripping and gave me a stern lecture about premature organism. Next came a tie around the base of my cock and balls, ankle cuffs and a rope forcing me to stand in a semi-squatting position. The mistress explained the story for the evening. I was a stud pony who would be checked for breeding capabilities. The tests would be gate, pony gear, expansion of the semen passage, electrical stimulation, and breeding. I though it was mainly a creative story. Wrong again.

The mistress applied my nose ring, attached a leash and forced me to walk to show my gate. The mistress was laughing at my predicament, on first hearing the laugh I was slightly ashamed, but on reflection I think the laugh was perfect and another example of the mistress's mastery of dominance.

The pony outfit
It was really neat to stand in a single glove and have pony hoofs placed on my feet. Next came the bridle and bit head harness with ears and blinkers. The final touch was the placing of long mittens with hoofs on my arms. These were linked forearm to upper arm to give the appearance of a rearing pony. I was threatened with a pony tail butt plug but the mistress only used the tail as a soft whip. It would have been very nice to be a complete pony as described by Anne Rice in the Beauty trilogy. All I need was the tail, nipple weights and a ring with bell for my cock.

The mistress brought out a leash and forced me to prance like a horse and whinny for yes and no. The mistress found my walk not satisfactory and told me I would be punished on the fixed table. I laid down and liked the mirror and watched as I was tightly fastened. Mistress Amada took her time. My legs were fasted with many belts each of which I first thought was so tight that it would cut off circulation. None did but the restrain was total. I also notice several straps were carefully padded to allow tightness without discomfort. My arms were place in another kind of long mitten and tied down and tightly in several ways. During this time the horse bit was replace by an inflatable gage that still allowed breathing through the mouth. The last touch of bondage was a leather trainer which was applied over the gag and tied down on both sides and the top.

The mistress proceeded with a number of torments, clamps on nipples and cock. These were painful but they were moved frequently and it was very nice. She also whipped my cock with a small whip. She used curry brushes and a spiked glove to give my cock brief but sharp pain. My only regret was that I could not see around the trainer to watch the action in the mirror.

The next major event was putting inserts up my cock. It was an interesting feeling and it would have been great to watch. At his point the mistress introduced the treat of branding my cock closed. It was a very exciting thought. Next came the replacement of my head gear with a discipline helmet.

The mistress inserted a butt plug. I have a tight ass and have tried and failed to insert butt plugs of average size in the past. The process was slow and careful with plenty of lubricant. When the mistress announced that the process was done I didn't even think the plug was in. I contracted the mussels and discovered - Wrong again.!

A rapid release from the table was followed by a short walk with only the helmet and plug to the rotating bed. The mistress slipped my arms into the rubber body bag and then changed helmets. This was proceeded by ear plugs a fact that I really liked. The helmet was outstanding. It tightly gripped my head and cut off all sight but left enough breathing though noses holes and mouth. I was laid down and the bag was zipped on. As an additional treat the mistress placed prickly pads on my chest. A device was attached to my cock and the wires led to butt plug and cock device. The rubber bondage bag was further tied to the bed. It seem like a long wait for the first shock. The slow shocks were pleasant but as the frequency was turned up the pain became intense. I wish I had thought to scream. The mistress continued to vary the frequency of the shocks and to tie me ever more firmly to the bed. I called yellow and finally red and asked that the helmet be removed as it was very tight across the top of my head and was starting to give me a headache. The mistress rotated the bed to leave me up side down. It was great and I could have stayed that way much longer.

The final act was the use of a vibrator, manipulation and mental image to cause an orgasm. The image was fucking the female horse and the threat of branding. I did not come but tried very hard but could not overcome mixed images. The shower was a nice finish.

I've always been curious about Pro Dom. There are certain things I'm not sure I could give up just to have the convenience of walking away from it all after a wad of cash... like all night aftercare. Sometimes I need that.

Then again, there's a level of detachment that would probably not exists in any other D/s relationship. That can be invaluable to a top. It can keep her in a kind of top-space that is vicious... and I long for that.

Thank you for posting. I hope to hear more.

Also, I've kept up with the Pro Dominantion project recently. It seems really kewl. I wish a few of the Dommes were a bit farthr north in Seattle, but it's still kewl to read of it. They have a new forum too that is free to all. Dig that.

I've kicked around the idea of interviewing my city's most prominent professional, Mistress Matisse (yeah, I know, the name is a bit redundant... but cute nonetheless) for a kink column on DykeWrite. I have a few questions in mind, but I'd like to have a well rounded interview planned. Or maybe I should do a scene with her first. :D Regardless, I think your posts might help with that. Thank you.

Yes, excellent thread Rev, I await the next instalment with interest, thanks for sharing it.

Interesting thread, reverie35.

My first bdsm experiences besides self-bondage and self-discipline were with professional dommes. I would have liked to go to a male dom but at the time the only ones I could find were gay doms who did not accept female clients.

As to why I did it, it was mainly because I could. I had just moved out of my parents' home and started to enjoy the freedom of living on my own. I knew at the time that I wanted to take the next step in exploring my lifestyle but I did not want the emotional expense of risking a relationship over it. (Not that at the time I was great girlfriend material but that is another thread.) Also I wanted someone who would have real bdsm equipement and who knew what they were doing besides not being afraid of pushing my limits.

I discovered as I had suspected that older women (she was over 40 years ols and I was only 17), could be far more cruel than I could fantasize at that age. But the most unexpected discovery was sexual torture. I had hurt myself quite badly on my own and no domme ever got me to beg for mercy through corporal punishment but I had never subjected myself to forced sexual stimulation and being subjected to it just blew my mind! On my first session I was bound with legs spread, severely flogged and left to fry for almost an hour with a vibrators inserted in my pussy and clamped to my nipples. Oh dear, the memories!
That was the first of several sessions with a variety of dommes. After a while a feeling of emotional emptiness set in and I had to stop. Only after I found myself in a commited relationship did I feel the urge to learn more through professional sessions, but by then it had become an experience to share with my new boyfriend, who at the time was only begining to explore bdsm.

Why use a professional dominant.

1. They fit in well for people who are hiding their BDSM lifestyle from everyone including your family.
2. A good one will have every piece of gear you have ever seen.
3. A professional will be good at reading the sub and will keep you right on the edge of your personal limits.
4. Their experience means you are less likely to be damaged. By damaged I mean injury that is unintended.
5. Can provide a many kinds of BDSM experiences including, domination, bondage, medical, TV, humiliation and a variety of role-playing.
6. A good one will have a great fetish wardrobe to enhance the session.

Many of these have been done to me. I have been taken out to a public restaurant while wearing a chastity belt and one hand cuffed to my waist. It looked like I had a lame arm not bondage. I have been directed to run errands in the neighborhood while a remote socking device was attached to my balls. I have been whipped, pierced and branded while bound. I have been bound with leather, steel and rubber. I have been suspended, inverted, mummified, waxed, plugged and electrified. I have had my nose ring locked to the clit hood ring of a mistress while she kneeled on my gag straps to prevent me form moving or touching her sex.
These were all quite a rush and thanks to the diary that the mistress demanded I make by writing after session letters they are still a rush in my memory.

Other then letting some marks heal I have had no after effects.

I have posted the story "Switch" on the site. The first chapters on planning and preperation are based on my experince with Mistress Amanda Wildefyre.

For those of you who are switches and hidding, the chpater on Art may touch a nerve. It was very emotional for me to write.

How to interview so you are comfortable with the person offering services.

It has been important to me to interview the Mistress offering professional services before having the first session. I learned this by having several bad first sessions. Over the years I have interviewed about 15 dominatrixs. Of these I have had good to great sessions with four.

You will pay for the interview time at the usual hourly rate. I tend to want about a half hour.

For the money you will get to see the premises and equipment. This will tell you a lot. There can be a simple set that could be found at the local leather shop and represents a small investment. If she says she has been in business for some time it shows you that she is doing in purely for the income and is not personally interested in the scene. If you find lots of equipment and a superior wardrobe you have found someone who shares your interests.

Secondly look for and ask about hygiene – how do they clean between sessions. How does there establishment appear – clean and neat or kind of cluttered? Look for personal habits – smoking etc. do these match your own set of values.

Questions to ask

This is the tricky area. First you are going as a submissive so you must be in that role. Be humble and very polite. If you are not into humiliation ask about how the Mistress views men. I have had bad experiences with professionals who were just man haters and were using your body and money to enjoy their view of your gender.

Ask about cleaning, between session contacts, bring your own bondage gear – gags and plugs can help you fell better about hygiene. Will she take photos on a camera you bring.

Finally
Never ask about money or negotiate a session – these are a little better by phone where you should not be as submissive as in person. I always bring a small BDSM related gift.

Second Session November 29, 1994

I arrived expecting to go out to a normal dinner. You talked me into going out wearing a male chastity belt and a hand cuff locking my right wrist to the belt. It did not show under my suit but would have been extremely difficult to explain had we run into anyone that I know. The dinner was Japanese. I had trouble telling when you were acting your role as mistress and when you were truly upset with me. I really don’t want you upset with me. A lot of what you see in me is just plain nervous reaction. I rarely go out with young and very beautiful women. I have never gone out with someone in the “seine”. I always have this second worry that I may suddenly need to explain you to someone I know only on a business basis. The thought of having to eat disgusting food was very unpleasant.

As much as dinner was awkward, the session was great. Two mistresses was “WOW”. That is the only way I can describe it. Your thought and planing really showed.

It was the usual nervous wait while nude.. At last the summons by the mistress and the relief of being cuffed and wrists locked behind my back as control passes to the mistress. I wish I could find a way to describe the wonderful feeling I get at that moment. Then right away a major problem. The mistress wants to put on a major metal ball restraint. I have owned one in the past and know that it just will not go on me. I had to tell you no. You handled it graciously and kept me from being further embarrassed by putting in a gag. It was great because I could stop worrying about saying the wrong thing. I am very glad this happened at the start and didn’t break the spell later in the session.

Next came a leather strap around the base of cock and balls. This was going to be chained and locked to the wrist cuffs behind my back. I thought you suggested to Lady Ashley that it be tight forcing me to arch my back and I was then looking forward to it It was just a loose chain and I got only a mild rush at the thought.

We went on to rope tricks number 1, standing against the mirror. Nice to be tied and tough when forced to stand on one leg with the other tied in the air. It was very nice to have the mistress lean against me. The added body contact at many points during the night was very pleasant. At some point I noticed the faint order of Sushi and thought that it would really be hell to have a mistress with bad breath. Yours was not and I hope that mine wasn’t either.

On to rope trick's number two. Being thrown on to the mattress was a surprise. My head was in an excellent position just off the mattress and I was very comfortable. I had always wanted my arms tied forearm to forearm behind the back, and wondered if I was really limber enough to have it done. You and Lady Ashley have were very positive in your comments about me and it was nice to be called limber. You also have been gracious enough not to comment on an overweight 50 year old body that can’t be much of a treat to see. That rope position is very comfortable and very binding. I really appreciated the little extra touch of big toes and thumbs. While bound the wax torture was great, it really had my attention. Lady Ashley really knows the tender spots. Nice touch covering the cock and balls. The violet wand was annoying. Most of the time just a slight itch and only rarely a pain. I had some mental reservations about electrical stimulation on the upper back as being too high on the body. During this period there was occasionally playing with my cock. I assumed you were just checking to see if I was having fun, cause it wasn’t doing much for me. You also began to work on my ass, it didn’t do much for me either and just divided my attention between the violet wand and your touch.

The timing of out of ropes and into the birthing chair was about perfect I need the change and the relief from the gag. So much went on in that chair that I am not sure that I can replay it in sequence but I will try.
The bondage to the chair was a little confusing. I did not understand that it was a handle you were placing under my palms and it caused me to slip and cut off circulation in my right wrist. A bit of verbal instruction would have helped. The black hood was very nice and kept me busy and relaxed while you finished the tie down job. When you first brought the pillow I thought it was going a little soft on a slave but given the amount of time and head pressure later it was necessary. I didn’t really know when you placed studded cock sheath. When I began to get hard-on it was great and gave me lots of fun during the next extended period of time.

Lady Ashley began the long and uncomfortable process of expanding my ass. I was uncomfortable as the pressure on the prostate made me feel as if I was going to pee at any time. I was concerned about Lady Ashley. It seems demeaning that a mistress should have to work that long and hard at such a lowly task, surely the work for a slave at best. Also she said her fingers got put to sleep by the pressure and her arm got tried. I was relived when the plug finally slid into place as a reward for all of her efforts.

Some where in here the mouth piece was used. It really hurt when first applied as it caught my lips but was great once it was on the teeth. I had seen a picture of a women in one once but had given up all thought of ever seeing one. I love the extra little dimension of control it gives the mistress. Put anything in at any time. You choose a very special item. You really didn’t give me enough time to show you what I can do with my tongue on a nipple, but my wife gives me great marks. Mouth piece out and rubber tongue gage with extension in. I could have worn the mouth piece for a much longer period of time.

Somewhere in here I was getting hard and hitting the spikes on the cock sheath. I began to wiggle it around when you came through with the line of the night. “Don’t torture yourself, that’s my job.” I will always remember you for it, I think it would be great in your DDI ad. It belongs up there with my all time favorite, the prayer of the Masochist, “Your not going to beat me with that, the slave asked hopefully?”.

Where was I, butt plug in, electricity on, great butt sensation, and great view of Lady Ashley at the controls. I could watch her fingers move the knobs and feel the effects. Nipple suction and chest pricking. All is fine and lots of fun.

I can’t remember the sequence, was it mention of cock ring to pussy ring to nose ring or did I see the male chastity tube with lock on first. In any event all circuits went into emergency overload You tried to get the male chastity tube on but there was no way, and I don’t think you would every make it during a session. If we are to use it you will need to get it to me about 24 hours ahead of time. I can soak my dick in a bucket of ice water for long enough to make it forget what’s really going to happen.

Back to the session. You are now placing the electrical cock rings on and I am thinking about them and being nose ring to a pierced pussy. Major erection. Rings are on and wires connected, but no shock. Technology fails mankind again, erection subsides and rings are changed wires are adjusted and finally weak cock shock and strong butt shock. The cock shock faded out as the session went on but I really didn’t want to stop the action so I just let it go. Some where in here you went over me with a light paddle. It really didn’t add much for me.

Lady Ashley now climbs up and kneels on my chest. Nose ring is inserted and tied to the ring that pierces her clit. I can see everything, cock with rings, Lady Ashley’s pussy and ring, her lovely body and smiling face above. Mistress Amanda leaning in with all those wonderful threats about needles and rings, the vibrator is going the electricity is on auto, and my brain is truly overloaded. I had always had the fantasy about multiple stimulation, but never to such an extent. Wow.

Good time to end. I had all that I could possibly absorb. Once again don’t feel that you in any way let me down because there was no orgasm.

Let me go back and highlight some of the thoughtful professional touches that I noticed. The head tied down and gag in the mouth. Absolutely no chance for an impulsive lick. The biggest conflict I have with myself about these sessions is oral sex. My hormones and sex drive make me want to do this very much as the story about the Tri-Delts and outboard shows. My logical sense says that this kind of contact is very unwise. Thanks for making sure I did not have the chance to do something that I would have worried about for years. I also understand that it was to protect Lady Ashley’s ring.

Nice touch two, having Lady Ashley wet her finger and let me smell. Proof that she really was hot. You're licking her pussy, nice to watch, I had hoped that you were more than just professional associates. The outfits, coordinated black vinyl, hot.

I have forgotten so many things. The rope between the base of my cock and the gag was fun. The stories about aliens and testing were good. The images of being pierced were great.

Yes I needed the Preparation H and I was very tired the day after probably from all the mussel work every time a big shot of electricity hit.

A suggestion here for Tourguide and reverie. Reverie's posts here are very informative and seem like the type of information that would fit well in the Academy in Dungeon. Perhaps reverie you could volunteer as one of the teachers for your particular area of experience. Just a thought.

Very good idea! I second.

Agreed. All in favor?

*raise my hand*

I looked at the academy and did nto find much there. Am I missing something. Yes I did register.

they're trying to build it up with more classes and such. There's not much now but presumably there will be in the future.