slow reflection on how it started it all

after i posted my last blog i realized something, how detached i was from trying to convey what brought me to this journey. I was like a disconnected reporter and want to rectify such starting today. Because it was much more then just to lay in the bathtub and make myself cum with a stream of water, so much more.
i can not even pinpoint the beginning but every day i looked forward to the private time in my bathroom. my fingers were trembling as i undressed, peeled off layer and layer of that ...

After we moved from that quiet street with the boys and ropes i never thought about it much any more. At least i do not think i thought about it much more. The next large recollection of anything like that was much much later, I was well into my teens. Of course thoughts of boys dancing in my head, giggling with girlfriends talking about who is the sexiest of them all. But in the end i was not attracted to those boys, i like the older ones, the ones who were more sure of themselves, the once who ...

In the last week or so i did some serious reflecting on my life trying to figure out the past and perhaps carve a way to my future. so reflection has been a part of my chores that I gave myself last week, my friends death sorta gave me a rude awakening in things.
People used to asked me what made me decide to even looking into this lifestyle and i honestly never really had an answer for it. so now i decided to start from the beginning, prolly gonna happen in stages, but i will be brutally ...